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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-03-21 ... 10:27 a.m.

Today's Sun-Times weather word (I'm going to stop dropping in a link there, because if you don't know what I'm talking about by now you can just continue humoring me) is: PLUMMETING. Something is plummeting, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. Whether it's the temperature, their own self-esteem, or a meteorite they do not say.


1. "I find it comforting that someone as fucked in the head as you has made such a success of her life."

2. "Your breasts are plenty large enough for my purposes."

3. "I could never wear something like that, but you are able to pull it off somehow."

4. [after I'd expressed various strong opinions and come to the passionate defense of my department during a business meeting] "We appreciate your input and, uh, vigor."

5. "Mimi, you have a very unusual sense of humor. Sometimes it takes effort to understand you."

Yesterday when I arrived home there was a very strange misdirected voice mail message. "Hey Kyle, this is John. When I right-click on [garbled: sounded to me like PANDA CONTROL], I don't get any sort of menu. Can you help? Call me back." Then a second one, minutes later, where John called back to let Kyle know that he had figured it out. Thank goodness. My outgoing message clearly mentions the occupants of my house: Mimi Smartypants, LT, and The Cat: so I don't know why John thought Kyle would be there to help him with his panda control.

Minor epiphany from last Saturday night: When you are tired, you can go home. Even if the bar is still open. You don't always have to be the last one standing. I'm sure everyone else has already figured that one out, but I'm really bad with that whole "listening to your body" thing and have trouble noticing when fatigue sets in.

Did Santa Claus really attend the birth of Jesus? I am a bit confused.


Two extremely bad-ass suicide methods. Yikes. No going gently into that good night for these folks! No pleasant overdoses, no warm baths, no high-velocity gunshots, uh-uh! Some people just have to do everything the hard way.

Another pair of abstracts. These are about the effects of different types of male underwear. This one, unless I'm reading it wrong, discusses the electric charge of the scrotum. Best incomprehensible sentence: "This study could explain the cause of diminished spermatogenesis in dogs dressed in polyester pants." (Great, now I can't get the image of leisure-suited dogs out of my head. Thanks a whole hell of a lot.) Of course, to approach the underwear thing from a different angle, there's always the effect of different types of textiles on male sexual activity. My favorite part is when "the subject's penis became erect, entered the vagina, and ejaculated." What vagina? And why are you acting like some disembodied penis is just floating around doing things without human intervention? My second favorite part of this abstract is the sentence that starts, "Six months after removal of the underpants...." Ugh. Let's do laundry a bit more frequently, shall we?

---mimi smartypants, fresh as a freaking daisy.


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