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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2008-12-03 ... 3:34 p.m.


Can I take a moment to complain about how tampons are really expensive? Tampons are really freaking expensive. Thank you.


My daughter starts chess club today. NERD! Maybe I will go pick her up afterwards and circle the block slowly yelling NERDS! at all the little nerds waiting for their rides. Then I will buckle my own little nerd into her booster seat and take her home. The booster seat in which it sometimes seems like she will sit for the rest of her life, as the needle refuses to move past 35 pounds and she is closing in on 6 years of life, here.

And it is not for lack of trying, as we went to the Beer-Dispensing Homework Center and Nora ate both pizza AND teriyaki chicken wings, in between math homework and sit-ups. Do a row of problems, flop backwards on the bench and demand, "Mom, hold my feet," cross arms military-style, crunch up ten times, resume math homework. Isn't that how everyone passes the time in a restaurant?


There have been a lot of outfits and costumes around here lately. Every time I turn around there is Nora in another strange ensemble.

Cape, goggles, raygun, ski mask, shin and forearm guards, and a cut-off glove with some doohickey double-stick-taped on the wrist:

Same raygun, goggles, shin guards, but on this day she has added a helmet and more joint protection:

And on yet a different day---cape, gloves, ski mask, and a suit-of-armor knight mask that she made herself out of paper.

The visor part really moves up and down! I was impressed with the engineering. But it came at a price, as we had some trauma after she had already spent forty minutes at the art table realizing her vision:

Nora: MOM! Do we have any of those, those, those things that make spinning happen?
Me: [Percocet? Stationary bicycles? Colonial Williamsburg?] Sorry, what?
Nora: The metal things! With the sides!
Me: Can you explain more...
Nora: AHHHHHHH! [runs away as I am clearly too dumb to live]

[blessed silence punctuated by faint rummaging sounds and exasperated noises from the kid's room]

Nora [comes running out of her room carrying some of those metal paper-fastener brad things]: THESE.
Me: Oh. No, I don't think I have any, but I'm glad you did. If you need them.
Nora: I do! Luckily I found some in my collection of Small Metal Things. You know, that shoebox? The orange one?
Me: Uh, sure.

I think the moral of this story is that if you don't yet have a shoebox full of Small Metal Things, you had best start one. Because you cannot always rely on your family to provide such Things, and this recession could be long.

---mimi smartypants recommends a diverse portfolio.


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