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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2008-11-30 ... 2:12 p.m.

TOURISTS ARE THE EXPERTS NOW

So I am walking to Trader Joe's and I pass an older couple who is sort of blocking the sidewalk while they gawk at the Medinah Temple. The male half of the couple is a real know-it-all type with a loud booming voice, he is wearing some sort of heinous golf course/Viagra/wrinkle-free-Dockers cologne (dude when I can smell you outside it's got to be bad) and pontificating to his wife, lady friend, whatever.

Pompous Windbag: Wow, look at that. It's a Bloomingdale's but it used to be a mosque!
Me [WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER, but erroneous facts cannot go uncorrected in my presence]: Actually, it was a Shriner auditorium---it's in an Islamic style because they were into that back then. [note: I am super-polite and smiley during all this. Overly so, in fact.]
PW: No, it was definitely a mosque. It has Arabic writing on it.
[ed. note: What? If I write "Allahu Akbar" on my garage, does that make it a mosque?]
Me [still smiley]: Well, it was never a mosque. But okay!

RAGE-INDUCING MEDIA

If I see one more headline, hyperlink, bullet-point sidebar, or photocopied employee-bulletin-board flyer about "how not to gain weight during the holidays," I will scream. I may even go on a DEADLY RAMPAGE, although I don't own a gun so it will mostly be a lot of biting.

All this crap is working its way into my consciousness and I don't even read fashion magazines or watch network news. People who slurp up the dominant culture on purpose must be royally fucked in the head, at least in terms of food and body issues.

YET MORE RAGE-INDUCING MEDIA

Now here is a sentence I could have lived my whole life without reading. From the Apartment Therapy website:

My husband and I are struggling to find the perfect bedding for our baby boy that's on the way.

I want to kick some bourgeois ass so hard right now. Every time I think that I am all grown up and over my teenage socialist thing, some yuppie starts to "struggle" with crib sheets and I am right back in the beret and IWW t-shirt.

TURKEY DAY POSTMORTEM

Nora, watching me pack up stuff to bring to Thanksgiving at the in-laws' place: "Is that enough wine?" BEST. CHILD. EVER.

BACK TO THE SEXY GRIND

I am actually excited about going back to the office, because I am in the middle of a required online sexual harassment "refresher course" and it is so freaking AWESOME. I keep getting interrupted with real work, and then I count the delicious minutes until I can go back to it. The sexual-harassment-refresher company did not want to spring for streaming video, so what you get is a series of hilarious still shots of actors telling dirty jokes in an office setting and other actors standing around making exaggerated "oh no he DIDN'T" faces. Of course there is also the tedious interactive portion, where you have to choose the "correct answer" to whether it is appropriate to grab ass, mock foreign accents, call the secretary "sugartits," etc. But the overacting and the cheesy set-ups make it all worthwhile, I seriously love it. Thanks, HR! You’re the best! And did I mention your booty is FINE?

---mimi smartypants, lawsuit pending.

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