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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2002-08-11 ... 9:07 p.m.

NOBEL PEACE PRIZE AND ILLICIT MAKEOUT

Listen, you are totally going to think that I'm making it up, but my brain won’t stop having these celebrity dreams, and last night it was that I was making out with Elie Wiesel. One hundred percent true. He had come to my campus to give a talk, and I was on the committee that was supposed to shepherd him around, and somehow we got separated from the group and he was very insistently sticking his tongue in my ear and rubbing up against me and moaning a little, and I felt all conflicted because it was just weird, and he's old, but he's undeniably a great man, and I will never again probably be offered sex with a Holocaust survivor (BUT WHAT KIND OF TWISTED DREAM-LOGIC IS THAT GOOD GOD) so what should I do, and he gave me his hotel room key and said that right after his talk he would say he had to rest and I should join him there. Yeesh. I know one is not responsible for one's dreaming brain but I still feel squinky and strange, and like I should get some counseling or something.

ON THE COUCH

I thought this movie was surprisingly good. A little overstyled and goofy, but it held my interest, and we know how difficult that can be. The guy who plays Ralphie on the Sopranos is the villain (and a gangster), so it felt like home to me.

I HEART GOOGLE

Remember in the 1980s when everything was made with turkey? Why was that? And remember that jingle about tuna being the "chicken of the sea"? And yet chicken is not referred to as the "tuna of the land." I am confused.

A press release about tuna.

An artist's representation of the real chicken of the sea.

From the Department Of Well, That Seems Reasonable: It is a prohibited act (21 USC 331(a)) to introduce into interstate commerce a food that is adulterated according to 21 USC 342(a)(3) "if it consists in whole or in part of any filthy, putrid, or decomposed substance."

Oy, this layout. These colors. My eyes are bleeding.

CLASSIFY ME

This paper is a little on the anemic side but it talks about Dyribal, an aboriginal language with a very strict taxonomic classification of nouns, something that I am kind of obsessing over currently. Men are like kangaroos and fish. Women are like birds and fire. Duh.

NOTHING LIKE AN UNFURNISHED BASEMENT FOR TOTAL COMFORT

Saturday night I went to a friend's house for dinner. Although I was served some of the worst wine I have ever tasted (I carried it around for a while and then crept back into the kitchen to pour it down the sink), that was more than made up for by the good food and company. There was even a baby to poke and to laugh at. (Babies always laugh at me, I don't know why. I must be funny-looking.) One of the other guests was a girl who grew up in Japan, and I don't recall how we got on the topic of Barbie, but she told a funny story about moving to the US and being shocked that American Barbie doesn't wear underwear. Slutty American Barbie! Then again, some of those wide-eyed large-mouthed cybertronic-breasted anime girls look less than wholesome to me. And in Japan you can buy used schoolgirl underwear from a vending machine. Barbie's bare-assededness is starting to look pretty innocent about now, am I right? AM I RIGHT?

Blah. As Warren would say when he's feeling self-destructive, "I'm having a bit of a personal crisis." If I don't update for a while you have to promise to still keep coming around with the beer and gummi worms and e-mail. If I update just as often as ever but it is mostly distracted impersonal observations about crazy people on the bus and bizarre tuna-related links, you have to promise to put up with it for a while until I get all coherent again. (I just started taking a fairly high dosage of Time-Release SenseMaker, so I should be back to normal soon.) Do we understand each other? Thanks.

---mimi smartypants knows that users are losers but uses anyway.

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