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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-06-13 ... 3:53 p.m.

Been a while, hasn't it? It's nothing personal, just that they are trying to kill me at work. Apparently I have performed my job so well and so efficiently that The Powers That Be have decided I am ready and able to take on a whole bunch of extra duties. Moral of the story: be mediocre. I've certainly learned my lesson.

The most interesting stat this week was someone who found this entry by searching Google for "How to masturbate efficiently?" Efficiently. That just cracks me up. How to masturbate efficiently? Come on people, I don't have a lot of time here!

I bought a new toothbrush recently, without giving one tiny glance to its name (all I noticed was "Colgate," "soft," and "on sale," and when I took it out of its wrapper I noticed it was called "The Navigator."

Doesn't seem terribly accurate, does it? The toothbrush isn't doing much navigating. I mean, I guide it around my mouth. I'm in charge here. Not the toothbrush.

Sometimes I like to experiment with different styles of toothbrushing. Try this one: hold the brush still and move your head around. It's very difficult. Just think, somewhere in a parallel universe, perhaps this is how people brush their teeth. Poor parallel-universe people.

From a surgery article: "The patient was secured to the operating table with adhesive tape." Isn't that disturbing? It's not bad enough that you are unconscious and total strangers are slicing and poking at your inner organs, now they've got to use office supplies on you? Taping someone to a table seems more like punishment for passing out at a party than a legitimate medical procedure.

If I were to start eating meat again, I definitely would start with this.

---mimi "monster in a can" smartypants


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