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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2006-09-11 ... 2:21 p.m.

OH LOOK, A CAT STORY ON THE INTERNET. HOW NOVEL.

Last weekend, as threatened, we did turn up at the animal shelter, and a rather cute shaved-head boy put us in a roomful of cats. One skinny little yellow thing hopped up on my lap almost immediately, and although we introduced ourselves to a few other animals, the selection process seemed to be pretty much over once that happened. So Banana is now the newest family member. Banana is long and yellow, don't you know. Oh, we are so uncreative.

Banana has had a difficult life for being only 1 year old---she was dumped at the shelter while pregnant and sick. Of course her babydaddy is nowhere to be found and the kittens have all been adopted out. Now that she was all better, and hopefully no longer a SKANKY HO, we decided to give her a home.

Despite being so outgoing at the shelter, Banana promptly disappeared once the carrier was opened and our backs turned. For two motherfucking days. I put out food and turned the house inside out searching for her, mentally cursing myself for not doing a more gradual introduction with access to just one room at a time. To tell the truth, I was also dealing with some of my own "post-adoption issues," namely that my previous and now-dead fat-n'-friendly cat would never have pulled crap like this, what if she never gets better, and I just want a pet I can SEE and TOUCH, is that so much to ask? I even called the shelter and left a long-ish message full of chatty overreaction, and shaved-head Cat Boy called back and was very reassuring, but still. Arrrgggh.

Well, I guess Bananas just take time to ripen, and I guess I get the Overreaction Gold Medal, because Banana is fine. She still makes herself scarce occasionally (I think she likes to do her sleeping in private), but she is out for longer and longer stretches each day to purr and head-butt and soak up the love. She eats, uses her litterbox, and so far has been a good girl with the claws. My only issue now is that she is the talkingest cat in the whole world: she walks around the house keeping up a constant stream of MEOW MEOW MEOW HEY MEOW GUESS WHAT MEOW and I’m all like WHAT BANANA WHAT IS IT BANANA FOR GOD'S SAKES WHAT. I still don't know what. Maybe she is just a mouthy broad, is all.

Here are some photos, from her first night out from her "undisclosed location." We used the copy of that day's paper to mark the occasion, sort of like how you prove a kidnap victim is still alive. I mean, my sister-in-law was beginning to doubt that we even had a cat.


WE DON'T DO TIME-OUTS. WE JUST PUNCH.

A few days later, Nora ran headlong into a piece of heavy wooden Montessori-classroom furniture and gave herself a black eye. There's a call you really don't want to get in the middle of a meeting. And hey! Just for maximum parental guilt, I didn't even get the call in the middle of my meeting! (Thanks, Verizon!) The school had to move on down the emergency list! LT handled things instead, and apparently Nora was Super Tough Girl and did not want to leave school (I think there was only about an hour left anyway), opting to just hang out with an ice pack and lots of teacher sympathy. We took some pictures on the first day and they do not even show the half of it---the eye closed up, there was multicolored bruising from the temple to the nose and down to the cheekbone, I will feel conspicuous even gently telling her to knock any behavior off in public until it heals, and Nora looks like quite the rough-and-tumble urchin with her sports jerseys and polo shirts and khaki pants and flip-flops and black eye. (I don't know if there is any sub-genre of softcore lesbian erotica devoted to baby butches with facial injuries, sort of like a Bikini Kill/Fight Club thing, but if there were I would be grateful that Nora is not yet eighteen and cannot participate out of a misguided desire for Suicide Girls-style "fame.") She has asked me for an eyepatch several times, and seems slightly disappointed that her injury does not merit such a thing, although I have promised her a pirate outfit for Halloween. Avast!

MISCELLANEOUS

1. Five human heads on the dance floor! Now that's an evening out! Should we get another beer I don't know what do you think I’m kind of tired oh wait I love this song! But I'm kind of freaked out after the head thing. Yeah let's go.

2. There is a somewhat downmarket-looking clothing store on State Street called AVENUE, and they have a big dumb sign right now that says WE HAVE YOUR PANTS. Every time I pass it I am compelled to say NUH-UH. Out loud.

3. How gross is it that "Patriot Day" e-cards are widely available? Just in case you forgot about terrorism and mass murder, here is a little animated waving flag and a poem that rhymes the words "pain" and "in vain" (a rhyme that I hereby declare outlawed for all time).

4. Speaking of clichés, the other night LT and I drank beer and watched Revenge of the Sith on TiVo's fast-forward according to a fairly simple set of fast-forward guidelines. (Anyone talking, with a slim exception made for Samuel Jackson and/or Yoda? It got skipped. Any Padme scenes? Skipped. Only droids, fighting, or exterior spaceship shots were allowed.) Man, that is the WORST movie. I had no idea what was going on, and I didn't even care. I liked it when old what's-his-name turned evil and became Darth Vader, though, because the thought of him practicing his Angry Glower and his anguished "NOOOOOOO!" (wait, shouldn't that be "KHAAAAAAN!"?) cracked me right up. Well, that and "Count Dooku." The line "I sense Count Dooku" had me laughing like an 8-year-old boy. I sense Count Dooku! Oh sorry, that was me. Gotta lay off the spicy foods.

5. Week 1! Bears demolish cheeseheads! Where has this offense been all my life? I am pretty sure their competence is ephemeral (Ay, in the very temple of Delight/Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine, etc), but it was still very enjoyable to watch.

---mimi smartypants left that basement burning and she never went back.


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