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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-04-08 ... 1:38 p.m.

I feel funny today. Funny peculiar, not funny ha-ha. My blood hurts, and I keep slipping into a trance and realizing I have no idea what I just read, and I'm experiencing a very strange headphones synesthesia where this Prokofiev violin concerto is all in shades of green for me. Mostly pastel greens.

The rest of my weekend was very successful, I think: LT worked his kitchen magic and fed a group of our friends, and lots of delicious wine was consumed. Someone at the party got ahold of my cheap child's digital video camera and now there exists on my hard drive a short film of me all animatedly talking about nothing like a demented wine-fueled puppet. Everyone has the "god, do I really look like that?" moments with photographs, but let me assure you those moments are 8000 times worse with video.


1. If I like something, it goes up on my office wall. My office is a collage in progress.

2. The fried tofu from Star of Siam is a bitter disappointment. Thankfully I had decided to splurge and also get a side order of rice and peanut sauce, otherwise the lunchtime despair would have been acute.

3. It is raining a lot here. The Chicago Sun-Times proclaims today to be SOGGY. Also, this morning I saw an owl while I waited for the bus. Hello owl! (Interesting [to me] side note: CTA bus stop signs have a notation on them about "owl service"---if a bus doesn't run all night that route's sign will say "no owl service," which has always made me giggle, as if the CTA is denying rides to owls. But apparently it's not all that uncommon to refer to nighttime public transportation in terms of owls.)

4. OWL SEPARATION SYSTEMS! GOOD GOD! Oh. They aren't really separating owls. Sorry if I alarmed you unnecessarily.

5. A lot of banana facts in one place. A lot of banana facts. Did you know that a banana is technically, botanically, scientifically a berry? Of course you didn't. Also, the banana tree is not a tree. It is an herb. THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THESE BANANA FACTS BUT THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

5a. Let's get the band back together and record a cover version of this song. Dole bananas what a treat! Dole bananas rock and roll!

5b. If you want to learn even more about the classification of fruit, here's a page that contains sexy words like "circumscissle dehiscence."

6. Hazardous Mediterranean fish.

7. More self-knowledge is needed.

8. Get your insanely accurate sun and moon data here. In case you are a werewolf, or have some rule about not drinking before sunset, or whatever.


Psychological states should manifest themselves outwardly in the physical body. They do, I guess, but not in a dramatic or causal fashion; there rarely is a simple one-to-one correlation between a physical illness and mental pathology. People should grow or shrink in height based on their level of happiness. During times of great nameless formless anxiety your skin should break out in constellation patterns that could be used to tell the future and tell you that everything will eventually turn out all right. Grief should make you temporarily deaf. Depression should bleach you out and thin you like an overwashed sock. Being in love or even in deep wistful like should give you laser eyes, should make your neck extra bendy. Sleep-deprived weepiness should twist up your fingers like a telephone cord. Not only would this make it easier to tell at a glance how people are feeling, it would legitimize staying home from work at such times. No soul sickness allowed for Americans, no way!

---mimi smartypants, a drowsy numbness pains her senses.


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