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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2002-03-04 ... 2:50 p.m.

AS WE GET OLDER, AND STOP MAKING SENSE

by mimi smartypants

Our results suggest that wine drinking is associated with optimal social, intellectual, and personality functioning, while beer drinking is associated with suboptimal characteristics.

(But I drink both wine and beer. Does that mean that, like most people, I have both optimal AND suboptimal characteristics?)

Street drug terms. Totally awesome, dude. You learn something new every day, too, like "crack cooler," which is apparently crack soaked in wine cooler. Could there BE a more pathetic ghetto way to get high? I mean, really. Just smoke the crack, leave the fruity sugary fake alcohol out of it. Damn.

Google it. Interesting extra fun bit of navigation on this person's weblog, especially interesting to Google-addicts like me.

Girls, cultivate erectness. Are you listening to me? Cultivate erectness!

People have no imagination. Here are two reasons why I think so.

(1) When there is wet concrete, and people have a chance to scratch words into it before it dries, most people scratch their names: JIMBO or SHAWN ĖN- KENYATTA or whatever. I donít get it. You have a chance to immortalize any words or images you desire in concrete, and you pick your name? Why not some odd logo, to give homeless conspiracy theorists something to obsess over? Why not some enigmatic word or combination of words (DRAFTY SHRAPNEL or BATHYSPHERE)? Why not the made-up catchphrase of a nonexistent or archaic political movement (CHICKEN RESISTANCE or SPIKE THE HUGUENOTS)?

(2) When you read those surveys that ask, "What one thing would you like to change about your body?" people tend to say something boring like "lose weight" or "smaller nose." Does no one want a pneumatic arm? A prehensile penis? Super-bendy thumbs? Breasts that would gently change color based on mood, body temperature, sexual excitement level, biorhythms, or beats per minute? 360-degree head-swiveling ability, like an owl's?

I am cranky because the online card catalog for the Chicago Public Library is not working, and I had planned to hit the library this afternoon, because I have a huge list of books I need, and if it turns out that their entire system is not working when I show up I will be even crankier. Today is not a day for browsing, today is a day to methodically collect books. I especially need this, this,and this. I also have to pay a fine. Does it bother you when you incur fines for sub-par media? I always feel like it's somehow unjust, like I wouldn't have minded paying if only the late item had been a better book or movie.

HERE IS THE PART WHERE YOU NEED TO PARTICIPATE

I'm looking for examples of books, movies, music, etc, about which your perception or enjoyment has changed with your age. For example, Catcher in the Rye. I think most kids go through a phase of excessive identification with Holden Caufield ("Yeah! So true! People are phonies!"), then maybe you re-read it and start to see him as a bit of an immature jerk, and some years later you read it yet again and understand why he almost has to be an immature jerk for the story to make its larger point, and so on. Or the movie Manhattan: in high school I thought it was one of the truest statements about relationships ever, and I thought that the ending was very romantic, and I recently watched it again and Mariel Hemingway's whiny voice really grated on me, and the ending seemed kind of creepy and manipulative, and it really drove home the fact that Woody Allen's (who I mostly like, don't get me wrong) main area of interest is Woody Allen himself. (The movie still has some kick-ass cinematography, though. It's gorgeous. The sound is definitely optional.) Or how I used to like Marge Piercy's poetry for its politics and solid tangible metaphors before I found that other people do that sort of thing much, much, much better. So send me your thoughts on this topic, if you have any. Or don't. Either way the world will keep spinning.

---mimi smartypants 24-7.

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