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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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LEFTOVERS 1. The other day I had a fresh apricot for the first time. I eat dried ones by the Costco-size bagful, but why had I never had them in their natural state? Fresh apricots, where have you been all my life? You are tasty and nice and small. The two-bite fruit. I was telling LT about the loss of my apricot virginity, and I described the apricot experience as "like a peach without all the bullshit." I was less successful when I tried to explain exactly what bullshit is associated with fresh peaches, but I knew what I meant. If only other people knew what I meant, we might have a good slogan for apricots there: Like A Peach, But Without The Bullshit. 2. I miss the megafauna. 3. Bus encounter: On the #11, headed to Delilah's for a night of boozing, the guy across the aisle from me was muttering to himself, which believe me is nothing new on Chicago public transit. However, the content of his muttering was most excellent, because he was sort of furtively pointing at his fellow bus riders while saying, "she's a slut" or "he's fat" or some other specialized insult, one for each person. This made me smile, and although I eagerly kept my ears open for my own deprecation, it never came. Either he got bored with his little game or didn't consider me important enough to mutter at. Where's mine, crazy guy? DAMN IT! 4. Bar encounter: It is pretty normal for drunks to overshare, but the thick-eyelinered southside-suburbs girl on the barstool next to mine took it to a new level Saturday night. I had barely settled into my first beer when she started making small talk about how much she likes the city and how boring it is to live in Cicero (well, no shit), mentioned in a weirdly pointed fashion that she never went to college, and the next thing you know we�re discussing her current antidepressant regimen and how it makes her unable to reach orgasm. Luckily Kat arrived soon after that and I was left out of Random Suburban Girl's later drama, which I think involved her boyfriend being an asshole, if I understood her incoherent sobbing in the bathroom line correctly. Lord. 5. Nora, being babysat, was dubious about being put to bed by someone she only recently met. I am told she got in bed, frowned at her caretaker, and said, "When I wake up, my mommy will be here." Then she rolled over, put her finger in her mouth, and closed her eyes. She wasn't asking. That sounded like a threat. 6. Someone gave us a set of fairytale books, and they kind of suck. I am not really a fan of fairytales to begin with, but I agree that kids need a certain amount of cultural literacy when it comes to fairy godmothers and magic beans and big bad wolves. However, these fairy tale books attempted to condense the stories for toddlers, and in doing so RUINED the very things that make the stories appealing to children. In the Three Little Pigs book, for instance, there is no running from house to house, no "not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin." In the Goldilocks book, there is no progressive testing and rejecting of household furnishings. The authors of these books tell the stories without any of that, and thus they are rendered completely pointless, and whenever Nora wants to read one I end up just holding the book on my lap and telling the story in my own words, with all the repetition, rhymes, and parallelisms. However, I did appreciate it when Nora pulled one out during a reading binge (she periodicaly just plows through everything in her bookcase) and said, "Let�s read Cindergorilla!" Oh, if only that were a real story. 7. susan: I am eating tomato barley soup. Barley is weird. ---mimi smartypants oats peas beans and barley grow.
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