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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-07-12 ... 12:34 p.m.

Toilet roll conspiracy.

Massive amounts of pasty goodness.

I am pretty hungry right now, but three hundred pounds of hummus is not quite what I am looking for. I'm hungry in that over-the-edge way where healthy food just won't cut it anymore. I am thinking either grilled cheese or the black bean nachos from across the street.


Enough with these drink specials with the cutesy titillating names like Sex On The Beach and Slippery Nipple. These violent times call for violent drink specials. I want to slide onto a stool and ask the bartender, "Can I get a Punch In The Face?" Or "I'll take another Knee To The Groin when you get a chance." "A round of Punctured Lungs for all my friends!"


Herpes: The Motion Picture


1. I am not so much into the industrial music anymore, I must admit, but there was a time when I could often be found stomping around Neo or Exit with all the rest of the black-vinyl set, and there is one Revolting Cocks song called "Get Down" that I always thought was very cheerful and fun to dance to. Today I was coming up the stairs from the subway and there was some weird grinding construction noise on Grand Avenue that reminded me of this song's stuttering clicky-clack rhythm track, and it inspired me to look up the lyrics, and oh dear. Not such a cheerful little ditty after all. But then again, who's listening to the lyrics when it comes to this type of music? They are so beside the point.

2. The perfect shirt for your oh-so-indie friends.

3. (not music-related but from the same site: this photo. Okay, I laughed.)


1. I hate classical piano (ugh, Debussy; ugh, Chopin) but piano is my favorite jazz instrument (yay, Thelonious Monk. He tends to overdo the wholetone scales but who cares. Did you know his middle name is "Sphere"? That is so fucking cool.)

2. I cannot eat a sliced tomato or a tomato wedge. But if you cut it up real small (as in bruschetta) that is fine. I have a similar problem with peanuts (yuck) and peanut butter (yay) or the crushed peanuts on top of pad thai (yay).

3. I get off on the idea of restraining someone for sex but I find it a bit tedious in real life.

This is a short entry but if you saw my desk right now you'd say, "This is a desk? All I see are stacks and stacks of paper and folders and manuscripts," and I would reply, "Ha ha very funny motherfucker now get out of here before I open a economy-sized can of whoop-ass and send you crying home to your mama." (Query: What if you open the proverbial can of whoop-ass but you only use half the can? Like if someone only needs a minor ass-whooping? Can you put some foil or plastic wrap on the top of the can and put it in the refrigerator for later? How long does it keep? Or maybe whoop-ass comes in an aerosol container, like spray cheese? That would be very convenient.) Also, this entry is short because I am a boring person and I fell asleep at EIGHT FREAKING THIRTY last night. There were still ice cream trucks outside when I fell asleep. But this weekend should involve liquor and hookers (okay, maybe just liquor) so I will try to do better next time.

---mimi smartypants put her hand inside the puppet head.


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