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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-07-11 ... 1:50 p.m.

I've been having an ongoing discussion via e-mail with one of my friends about jealousy in relationships. I'm curious about people who have jealous tendencies, because I have none whatsoever. Don't get me wrong: my marriage is by no means "open," and if I found out I was being "cheated on" (to use the Jerry Springer vernacular) I'm not sure what I would do (but I know it wouldn't be pretty). But jealousy, I just don't get.

For one thing, it seems a little nuts to worry about something that hasn't happened. Yeah, he might fall in love with that girl hes talking to at the party, but he might also leave you to become a Mormon. Do you worry about that? Do you snoop through his things for Latter-Day Saints tracts or tickets to Salt Lake City? See, people are going to do what they are going to do. And if your man or woman is going to ditch you for someone else, they're going to do it, no matter how short your leash is.

My friend Kat has a few more jealous tendencies than I do (although she has mellowed in recent years) and she once tried to give me this hypothetical example: "You're at a bar. LT has gone to get drinks and hasn't come back in a long time. You look over and notice he's deep in conversation with a blonde with big tits. How would you feel? What would you do?"

Well, here's what I'd do. When he finally returned, I'd ask, "What did that blonde with the big tits want?" As for how would I feel? Depends on how long I'd been waiting for my damn drink. You don't want to get between me and my alcohol. Fool.

Also, I've been accused of being a flirt. Maybe I am, but not in a bad way. For me, flirting (the mild, teasing, witty-banter, screwball-comedy sort of flirting) is a completely normal way to socially interact. I've had guys try and gently tell me that they "don't like me in that way," and I've always been baffled as to how they could have misread my cocktail-party friendliness as genuine interest. [insert dramatic sigh here] I'm just too sophisticated for this world!

Um, just kidding.

Please, please, please, if you live in Chicago, it is your sworn duty to disrupt the filming of the Real World as much as you possibly can. The house is at North and Winchester. I recommend streaking, air horns, obscene gestures, whatever you can come up with. If they attempt to film in any of "my" bars I shall certainly cause a disruptive scene. Because if there's one thing I really enjoy, it's a disruptive scene.

One more Chicago-related thing: come out to the Empty Bottle on Saturday and hear about a million bands cover Depeche Mode and New Order songs. John Greenfield has put on these tribute shows before---Jacksons, Madonna, and Prince have all been the cover-ees---and they are always a lot of fun.

I heard a sound bite this morning where G. W. Bush said he would like to "end social promotion" in education. That is completely hilarious when you consider the source. Um, W? Your WHOLE LIFE is based on social promotion.

How hard do you think it would be to teach my cat to skate?

---mimi smartypants


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