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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2003-06-09 ... 12:25 p.m.


Hey kids are we having fun yet? How a pothole is formed.

How bacteria swim.

I think the best thing about this page is the attribution at the bottom. FAT & GLAD!

This is a pretty basic FAQ about how often to tune a piano,* but I have a dirty mind today** so I enjoyed the "How often should my piano be serviced?" headline. Yeah baby. Service my piano.

*At least as often as you tuna fish! (Clomp clomp clomp clomp doorslam. [That is the sound of you leaving me, forever, because you warned me the last time about my crap.])


Want an emo screen name but aren't creative? This might help you score some scene points with really dumb girls on a social-climbing message board! And that, my friend, is the end-all of existence, so what the hell are you waiting for? (I did laugh out loud when the Emo Name Generator gave me XdarkeningdreamX. Darkening! Dream!)

Skateboarding is not a file format.

This is fucking amazing. Photos of a festival in North Korea, the kind where the whole stadium makes scenes by holding up colored cards. Totalitarian states are brutal and oppressive and all, but they sure do have their shit together when it comes to entertaining displays of groupthink and propaganda! Damn! (A fake-graduate-thesis title for this observation could be The Nazis Really Did Have The Best Uniforms: Separation Of Politics And Aesthetics.) I wonder if afterwards any of the North Koreans tried to smuggle home any of those colored cards to try and boil them up for soup.

The Museum of Anti-Alcohol Posters! I like this one.

Completely slack today. I may look professional, because I had to go speak my piece at a meeting this morning, but it is all a scam because now all I am doing is yawning a lot and craving fried rice and crab rangoons and other American Chinese food. Also I am trying to recover from my no-fun weekend, which involved forty-eight straight hours of family as the paternal side celebrated my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. The only highlights included:

(a) one of my horrible cousins advocating the spanking of her two-year-old for the heinous sin of eating a Ritz cracker indoors

(b) my grandfather telling some possibly-untrue story about how he once had a drink with Peggy Lee in her dressing room

(c) the photocake that depicted my grandparents and how I blurted out, as the cake was being cut, "They should eat their own faces!"

(d) the brief but very cool hallucination I had on the way back to the hotel where I thought there was a giant stereotyped cartoon Mexican floating in the sky but it was just a tree/clouds combination.

Recently LT, my sister, and I saw this Finding Nemo animated-fish movie. I liked it---I laughed often and teared up occasionally, because I am a sucker for fish love and fish triumph and fish sentimentality in general. I also may have been slightly closer to the edge of the Emotional Crevasse than normal because of sugar overload, since I ate an entire package of gummi worms while watching the movie. It is not unusual for me to eat a lot of gummi worms, but that was one severely compressed worm-eating schedule. I was in charge of snacks for this film outing. For LT I brought his favorite, Lemonheads, and my sister got a box of Sour Patch Kids. My family has a long history of smuggling food into the movies, and I think my parents may have built up its illicit nature so we got more thrill out of the practice than it actually deserved. I mean, it's not like the Loews staff x-rays your purse on the way in or anything (although with Ashcroft around, that is probably next. If we bring our own candy, the terrorists win!)


I mostly use those scissors to open packages of condiments during at-my-desk lunches. I have no fingernails, those things are hard to open, so as a tool-using primate I don't mess around with biting and picking at condiment packages but just scissor them open with the left-handed DuraSharp 1000. Because of that my scissor blades are slightly sticky, yes, but they are sticky with traces of soy sauce and mustard and not with the blood of the innocent, no matter what you may have heard around the water cooler. Thank you.

Blah. I am still not quite right after the Weekend Cavalcade Of Family Stuff, but I hope you enjoy the links nonetheless. I personally have JUST NOW perked up a bit from my slough of despond, because the (otherwise very dull) article I am reading for work just referenced herring sperm. HERRING SPERM!

---mimi smartypants laughed all the way to the bank.


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