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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-05-20 ... 4:02 p.m.


(a) The fake cereal is cracking me up.

(b) The famous Suck cartoon that disses all the literary celebrities. My favorite has got to be Robert Bly having the one-night stand with the pine tree.

(c) Today's Sun-Times Weather Word is FRISKY. Today's weather is erect and ready to go.

(d) Whatever shall I do with you? You need triage, you need surgery. When you say my name it is a code blue over the intercom but I am nowhere to be found, napping in the lounge, sneaking a cigarette outside.

(e) The language lizard skittering
across my floor, clinging to the screen,
more adapted to this tropical closeness
than I will ever be. The warm room thicking
with drowsy breath, expanding yes like flowers. (et cetera)

(f) Fantastic phrase from an ophthalmology article: "slowly destroyed with a triangular sponge."

(g) The older I get the more frightened I become of asserting "X is true" or, more poetically, "X is a thing."

(h) A nice explanation of harmonics. It seems kind of obvious when you read it, but I had never thought about it in precisely this way before. (That darn right brain of mine....)

(i) Does anyone besides me find the Spiderman themes and motifs kind of suggestive? A young man suddenly discovers the power to wiggle his hand around and spew potent sticky white stuff in all directions. Flapping the wrist and yelling "Go web go!" It just, ahem, I don't know, reminds me of something else.

(j) I was quite unable to sleep last night. My head feels like the smoking section of a Greek diner. My associations are looser than an anorexic's prom dress. My bones are blinking green like turn signals: click!


I think you should read the things that Scout writes.


1. The illicit kind.

2. The regular workday kind. I used my lunch hour to return some overdue library books, and of course I can't set foot in a library without looking around, so I ended up returning the two I had and checking out four more. The Book Stack stretches ever upward. It was kind of a schizophrenic selection: physics (How The Universe Got Its Spots), two novels, and a book about Zelda Fitzgerald. (Although I don't plan to perish in a mental hospital fire, I think I should mention that I was Zelda Fitzgerald for Halloween once. Make of that what you will.) On the way back from the library I stopped at Zoom Kitchen and had about five spoonfuls of the worst soup of my life. My first and last visit to that yuppified pseudo-cafeteria. Blah. After that I gave up, finished my juice, and split.

On the way out of the place I found a wallet sitting by the tray return area; I stood there for a while, looking around for anyone frantically patting themselves down, or scanning the area, and when I saw no such thing I handed the wallet over to the bored hipster behind the counter. "Oh," she said, and then, yelling, "Did anyone lose a wallet?" No one responded, so I thought Well, I've done my bit, and walked out. About halfway down the block was one of those well-dressed blonde Trixies with the all-terrain stroller containing the Lincoln Park accessory of the moment, a well-dressed blonde toddler (replacing the golden retriever that was all the rage a few years ago). She was digging through the stroller and spinning around checking the sidewalk, and it occurred to me that she could be the owner of the wallet, so I approached, and asked, and told her that I had turned it in to the Zoom Kitchen staff. "Oh, thanks," she said, all airy and regal and totally stuck-up, and I'm not explaining her attitude very well here but it truly was astounding, like she was just completely used to total strangers doing her favors every day of her life. It was such a weird feeling: we were probably close to the same age but her whole demeanor conspired to make me feel a lot younger, like I was a good little Girl Scout and deserved a cookie.

I should have ninja-kicked her into next week. Just to shake up her world a little. But I don't think they'd let me update this thing from prison.


Everything muskrat!

They WILL attack you!

Signal your readiness with a squeak, my love!

Smothered Muskrat and Onions!

Danceable muskrat song! Shake your robotic groove thing!

---mimi smartypants is a lot tougher than she looks.


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