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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-12-26 ... 9:01 a.m.

My holiday bender continues apace. I'm on a strict diet of martinis and Christmas cookies (doctor's orders) until 2002. Kicked things off last Friday with him at Delilah's, the only bar in town that has the correct light level (read: suitable for spelunking), with a lot of beer and a jabbermouth good time. As much as I despise the phrase "the next level," I think that's where our e-mail and link-a-riffic friendship has gone: ie, I've ceased to worry that he will find me strange during our face-to-face meetings and just settled into being strange. It being the solstice and all, the bartender poured us, his best customers, a free shot at around 7:20, the turning point of winter. Thank you Mr Pagan Bartender!

Some very thoughtful person at work gave me a reprint of an 1827 handbook for butlers, which contains subject headings like "A Most Delicious Salad Sauce." I don't think you can possibly understand how delighted I am by phrases like "A Most Delicious Salad Sauce." Another wonderful gift was from LT, who gave me a garbage disposal (3/4 horsepower!), an unheard-of luxury in a 1926-built condominium like ours. I like how LT subverted the rule about not giving your wife appliances for major holidays by giving me a really bad-ass and unglamorous appliance for the holidays. He's a sly postmodern husband, that one. Anyway, since installation will involve both plumbing AND electricity, we'll have to wait until the new year and get some professionals for the job, as flopping around being electrocuted in three feet of water is no way to spend a Saturday.

I gave good presents too, and spent a good chunk of Christmas Eve on a relative's living room floor (relatively sober, honest) helping my cousin put together a Lego dinosaur. That Lego dinosaur turned out to be in a ferocious mood and disrupted several board games by trying to devour the pieces. Hey, what can you do.

The one present I'm still waiting for is e-mail from you.

We break for a list:


1. David Bowie used to drink his own urine.

2. There's been no president with facial hair since Taft.

3. The Washington Redskins (or The Chesapeake Watershed Region Indigenous Persons, to be more modern about it) lead the NFL this year in false-start penalties.

4. You can get a grant to study crocodile vomit.

Today's plan involves lounging around like a Gabor sister in these pajamas, drinking tea and reading my new book of cranky Martin Amis' collected cranky book reviews, so there may in fact be nothing left to report. Seriously, the most strenuous thing I have to do today is make dinner reservations for the multiple dinners-out I have planned in honor of my birthday (starting tomorrow and continuing to the event itself. They are going to have to roll me into the New Year.)

---mimi smartypants, live via satellite.


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