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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-12-03 ... 8:56 a.m.

Do you have any unusual sexual fantasies?

Boy, did that come out of left field. I know you're used to more standard Mimi Smartypants opening phrases such as "Whoa, I'm drunk" or "Everyone around me is a complete idiot" or "I already apologized for setting his hair on fire, what more does he want from me?" And now I'm asking you for unusual sexual fantasies. But why not? You first.

All right, fine, me first. I confess to having a bit of an Amish thing. Sometimes I think about taking a nice, youngish Amish teenage boy and showing him how to drive my buggy. Teaching him to reap my wheat. Lending him something without charging interest. (All right, enough already.) Occasionally I also entertain these same extremely unwholesome thoughts about the Orthodox teenage boys in my neighborhood. Perhaps it's a "young male virgin in a black hat" fetish. How embarrassing.

Went to a college alumni function this past Friday. Normally I stay far away from these alumni events, but this one was a cocktail party with an open bar, so naturally LT and I were there, and corralled about 4 other downtown-working friends to go with us. It was relatively fun...the usual bad white wine and inferior bourbon, but you can't expect too much from these things. We were by far the youngest people in the room. Almost immediately after I had gotten my first drink and was settling into the cocktail-party thing (ie, standing around and trying to look like I have every right to be there), this tiny old man in a bow tie came up to me and said, "Allow me to introduce myself...I'm Senior McElderly [note: not his real name], class of 1934" and we chatted for a while. I didn't mind in the least, he was cute and sort of interesting (I mean, class of 1934! Sweet Jesus!). The punch line, though, came later that evening, as I was talking with a friend and Mr McElderly approached me a second time with "Allow me to introduce myself..." and gave the same spiel. I guess he didn't remember we had already met, which was okay, because any member of the class of 1934 who's still drinking Jack and Coke at cocktail parties deserves to be cut a whole forest of slack. I had to work very hard to stop from giggling during the deja vu introduction, though. After the open-bar goodness came to an end, we went out to some other bars, and drank cheap beer, and I spent a good 10 minutes trading knock-knock jokes with a total stranger (it was very odd. I never knew my brain could come up with so many knock-knock jokes), and had a little make-out session with one of the girls I was with in the bar's bathroom (this seems to be my year for making out with girls in bathrooms. This phenomenon probably deserves more than a parenthetical aside). So to sum up, my Friday night was an excellent combination of wholesome (sweet old absentminded men in bow ties) and sleazy (girl-on-girl action in a semi-public place), which is sort of like my life, and sort of like this very web page (although, what with the Amish boys and girl groping, we seem to have taken a turn for the sleazy today. Hide your children.)

Very obvious punctuation error on the page, of the teeth-gritting variety. Nonetheless, nothing really compares to the beauty of muppets on fire.

---mimi "burning fur, melting googly eyes" smartypants


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