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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-11-13 ... 11:28 a.m.

The gray streak in my hair is widening. I'm turning into Cruella DeVille over here. Could be age, could be stress, who knows. And why would there be stress? Well, I have a habit of cheerfully agreeing to new projects and responsibilities and then quietly freaking out when I realize just how much work it's going to be. The thing I've agreed to now is to be the chair of one of the most important committees of my large professional organization, the committee that comes up with and organizes the entire program for the annual meeting, and hoo boy how nice what an honor but holy shit what have I gotten myself into.

Someone I know has cancelled Thanksgiving airline travel because of this latest crash, electing instead to take Amtrak nearly 19 hours to her destination. Could there be a less desirable way to travel than Amtrak? I've never had a good experience with them. It's never, ever on time. And not just a little bit not on time, but more like hours and hours worth of not on time. It's dirty. The food is bad. You stop for long periods for no discernible reason. Everyone else on the train is a wild-eyed methamphetamine addict with complicated theories about Jesus and Bob Dylan. I've only made short hops on Amtrak---back and forth to college (about 4 hours) and to Minneapolis (about 12 hours, which is very mysterious since it only takes 8 hours or so to DRIVE to Minneapolis), but I seriously do not exaggerate when I say that my Amtrak experiences were good preparation for the train system in India.

Plus, don't the Amtrak trains derail all the time? True, you probably have a better chance of surviving a derailment than an air crash, but still.

Speaking of danger: what was up with people going over Niagara Falls in a barrel? Why Niagara Falls? Why a barrel? Why do it at all? Hopefully we as a culture are over this particular neurosis....however, I guess we've moved on to bungee jumping and skydiving etc.

Speaking of danger again: you may have been wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to try one of those at-home bikini waxing kits. The answer is no. I really don't want to get into it now, last night's trauma is too fresh, but such things are really better left to professionals.

Description of a very strange Japanese video game.

Aha! I almost forgot the newsiest news of all. Sunday evening I received a voicemail from the police department in Highland, Indiana "regarding [my] vehicle." When I called back they asked if I knew where my car was: I replied that it was in the garage where I left it but that I knew this call was somehow related to the theft of my wallet and the subsequent fraudulent purchase of a Ford Explorer. It's a long story, but basically the Stupid Stupid Thieving Ho was arrested Sunday afternoon trying to pass one of my stolen checks for a carton of cigarettes, and the plates were run on the Explorer and it came up stolen, and now she's sitting in jail for credit card fraud and larceny and forgery and heaven knows what else. To quote Nelson Muntz: Ha-ha! I spoke to the detective on the case yesterday, and they seem reluctant to give me too many details (afeared of vigilante justice, Mimi Smartypants-style, perhaps), but it looks like the case will definitely be prosecuted. The S.S.T.H. claims that she bought my checks, credit cards, ID, etc on a street corner in Chicago, which may or may not be true but certainly doesn't get her off the hook, especially since she's driving around this stolen car and the dealership can easily identify her as the one who passed the bad check for it.

Good, or at least adequate, triumphs over evil!

---the unstoppable mimi smartypants


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