|
|
||
|
the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
|
GOODWILL GESTURE DENIED For some reason I get disproportionately irritated by etiquette-challenged people. I dropped Nora off at a birthday party recently, semi-excited because as a working lady it was one of my few chances to meet any other kindergarten parents in person, but when I met the host's mother she not only stayed seated during our whole awkward exchange,* but also never once asked me my name. She matched me up with my kid (which was not hard since we were the first ones there), but I guess my own identity did not matter much. (*Not that I am the Pope or anything, but don't you stand up when you meet someone? I mean, if you are sitting down when you meet them and it is like a one-on-one thing, and not just a "yo, this is everybody" situation? Yes? Maybe I am weird and have been scaring people for years by leaping to my feet at every introduction.) I am sure that she is just shy or not-very-social, it's not like I take these things personally. But it was slightly bubble-bursting, since I was all geared up to Be Social and Smile Pretty, even for the few minutes it would take to deposit Nora at the party, and then I did not get my chance. So I slithered off to stupid Starbucks (even though the Old Style sign across the street was beckoning me OH SO SWEETLY) and waited out the party time. ALONE. A few days later, a guy wearing headphones was taking up two seats on the crowded El with his bags of groceries. I happened to stand by him, but naturally I did not look peeved or give any indication that he should NOT take up two seats on a crowded train, because I really don't care all that much. About three stops later I am still zoning out when Mr. Headphones hauls all his stuff onto his lap to free up the seat, and then---get this---WHAPS ME ON THE ARM and makes a gesture at the now-empty place at his side. What the fuck? From whence this whapping? I glared at him and then went on with the zoning and ignoring and standing up. Catching my eye and gesturing to the seat would have been fine, verbally asking me if I would like to sit down would also have been fine, but who in their right minds touches people like that? He even had the gall to make little exasperated noises when he realized I was going to continue standing and that his lap was now covered in Whole Foods bags for nothing. Hey buddy! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE HEADPHONES: I CAN HEAR YOU. The best part was how the seat stayed empty for a very long time. Other commuters, who probably did not even witness the arm-whapping, must have noticed me rejecting the seat, done some quick urban calculus, and come up with the answer of Maybe That Lady Knows Something We Don't. SIX IS A CROWD Woke up all weird from strange dream where I was in a hotel bed making out with one of my high-school boyfriends, very nervous because just outside our suite, having cocktails on the balcony, were my parents, my parents' friends, and Deng Xiaoping and his wife. Yikes, high school makeout is plenty anxiety-producing without having to worry about being overheard by a hero of Communist China. ---mimi smartypants struggles to increase the mechanization of agriculture!
|
