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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2007-11-02 ... 11:31 a.m.

I think I am getting a reputation at work as a naysayer. Do you think I can parlay this into a superhero identity? THE NAYSAYER! WITH THE POWER OF DENIAL! NO! NEIN! NAY! NEVER NOT NO NEGATIVE! It just seems like every time we have a meeting about how maybe we should do this new thing, or do this old thing with a whole bunch of totally new steps in the process, I am always the one going Whoa and Back up and Actually there are more implications here and Why are we even considering this in the first place. Honestly, it is not that I am addicted to the status quo or anything, but I don't really believe in change for change's sake. Also, certain people seem to think that everything is very easy, and then it is mid-level managers like myself who end up scrambling around trying to implement New! Crazy! Idea!

So I guess the positive spin on my growing reputation is that I am a careful and logical planner who sees the big picture, and the negative spin is that I am a cranky, bitchy old lady. Which of those descriptions will show up on my year-end performance review? Sadly, I think I know.


1. Nora loves that disgusting Botan rice candy with the edible wrapper, and each box comes with a temporary tattoo. Which is fine, normally they are just slightly creepy-looking animals or anime-inspired robots, and I am perfectly happy to indulge the child in her body-modification jones. But a few days ago at post-dinner "treat" time we opened a new box of Botan yuckiness and the tattoo was a pink breast cancer ribbon. This pink-ribbon thing has GONE TOO FAR, YO.

2. The Monday Night Football announcers, whom I tell to STFU at least five times a quarter, got Brett Favre's dick out of their mouths long enough to say some truly irritating things: a lot of babbling about fantasy leagues (who cares? we are watching some actual football right now, thanks), a lot of cracking themselves up, and the phrase "electric punt returner," which I cannot get out of my head. Electric punt returner, that could be very useful. Way better than those old steam-powered punt returners.

Maybe that Fox NFL robot is on special teams and could be the elect(ronic) punt returner. He is totally limber and ready. Hey coach! Put the robot in!

3. Soccer season is almost over, which is great because it is getting cold out there and I am tired of wrestling those socks over Ms. Thing's tiny shinguards. I am also slightly tired of some of the parents. Last week, a kid dropped his ball and Nora handed it back to him, at which point the kid's dad said, in an obnoxious and exaggerated way, "Oh, how sweet! Andrew, can you say xie xie to her?" And I did not say anything, but I thought: Well, you COULD, but you could also just say 'thank you.' Since my child does not speak Chinese. I think it was less of a racist thing and more of the dad being a complete tool and showing off his kid's baby Mandarin skillz, but seriously, why assume? I do not walk up to the tamale guy on the corner and bust out my Peggy-Hill Spanish.

Of course, a day later I realized that I should have turned to Nora and used the exact same syrupy voice to ask, "Can you say de nada?"


I was strangely sad to read about Fup. I had never met that particular store cat, but I love store cats in general. There is a plumbing-supply store near my house that has two big boys (Nora always stops to say hi), and our veterinarian has Bobby Ray, a gray stripey guy who is just insanely friendly. He will walk right up to cat carriers and poke his head in to say hello, and seems genuinely puzzled by the ensuing hissing and yowling. Poor Bobby Ray is probably like, "Bitches always be in a bad mood when they come to my house."

---mimi smartypants is here for her rabies shot.


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