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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-10-30 ... 11:39 a.m.


Two women are browsing together.

Woman #1: " I just thought it would be hot lesbian sex all the time."

Woman #2: [sighing] "Dude. It's never hot lesbian sex all the time. Get over it."


There ain't no hangover like a wine hangover because a wine hangover don't stop. Went out to dinner last night and had really good butternut squash ravioli at Buona Terra, which really is closer to the California El stop than the Logan Square El stop, so don't listen to that link's incorrect sense of direction. And wear your running shoes; the block containing the restaurant is lovely but south of there (Fullerton/California) is a little funny. It's not a "bad neighborhood"* but there was a lot of loitering and gang-sign-flashing and hissing from stoops as I walked by, and I simply would have felt better in running shoes instead of my (semi-)high-heeled boots.

*Whatever that means these days, and whatever it means to you, since conceivably you could be a golden-retriever-walking, SUV-driving, latte-drinking person who barely ever leaves the exposed-brick confines of your condo. I don't think you are but YOU COULD BE. Which is why I hate terms like "bad neighborhood" unless we all define our terms. (I don't feel like defining my terms right now though.) (Isn't that charming? Mimi Smartypants launches a tiny tirade and then stomps her little narrative-authority foot, takes her football of authorial privilege, and goes home. What a bitch.)

I was early to the restaurant so I ordered wine and played Scrabble on my handheld (I was particularly proud of TWANGED on a triple word score but I ultimately lost to the computer) and tried not to listen to the table next to me, where these two women were fulfilling every tired stereotype that waiters have about women-only tables being the worst; they questioned the check several times, and then discussed the bill endlessly with each other, ultimately deciding that they each owed $23.66. I was only a few minutes away from leaping up and yelling OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE and snatching their bill off the table and paying it myself. I HATE discussion of the check, I really do. If you are that cheap you shouldn't be going out to dinner. Then they put their $23.66 on two separate credit cards, which was also very complicated and required much discussion, and it's not the financing of national health care or the launching of a tactical offensive, people, it's just the restaurant check.

Oh my goodness I forgot all about the wine hangover. Ghastly business, that. Pinot Noir at the restaurant, Merlot at my sister's house afterwards, and then more Pinot Noir at home, standing and chatting in the dark kitchen with LT. Kids, never mix your grapes. And when you already have a squeezy evil headache that feels like Satan is whipping your cerebellum into a fluffy meringue topping, maybe you should think twice about that red wine in the first place. Now yesterday's headache has merely intensified and I am oh so cranky.


The design and siting of a women's lavatory is not a neutral act but one that is shaped by historically and culturally specific notions.

Groovy diatom photography.

Nothing's more fun than having a tapeworm.

Crazed deer! They "pranced" around the store! Pranced! While bleeding, and being crazed! Ah, I don't know what I'm so excited about, prancing about while bleeding from the wounds sustained by crashing through a plate glass window is like a normal Friday night around here.


I love my .gov readers! Besides the House of Representatives worker discussed a few entries ago (In my Accent Of Great Mystery I say: A special shout-out to you, friend! Please to continue with the having of doggie-style fun with the nubile interns! Please to enjoy with the suckling of the taxpayer teat!), I have also noticed the Environmental Protection Agency, the Department of Agriculture, and, most excitingly, the Department of Justice showing up in the stats. Ashcroft, is that you?

Oh it is to laugh but my headache and work-related crankiness are reaching critical levels so it's time to go outside and set some fires. Plus I need to buy Halloween candy.

---mimi smartypants is getting cocaine off the streets, one kilo at a time.


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