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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2008-10-01 ... 12:17 p.m.


News-type items I am heartily sick of:

1. The "fact" that China has more people with engineering degrees than the United States does. China has something like four times our population. Apparently they also count car mechanics as having "engineering degrees" because of the way their educational system works. I am all for promoting math and science and engineering among young people, but stop dragging out this meaningless competitive statistic because it bugs me.

2. Sarah Palin anything. DO NOT CARE. Do not even care enough to work up the hate. If the Republicans thought I would vote vagina just because I have one, they were wrong and that's pretty much the end of that story.

3. Endless explaining in Clear Small Words about what the financial crisis will "mean" to you. Yes you, the total idiot there on the couch. God, I know this shit is complicated but enough with the condescension from the news media already.


On the bus yesterday I saw a teenage girl in somewhat-more-extreme hijab than what girls usually wear in my neighborhood---not just a black headscarf but also an ankle-length black abaya. Okay, not that unusual. Then I noticed that she had a Darth Vader backpack, Darth Vader charms on the laces of her sneakers, and had painted the symbol of the Galactic Empire on both her hands with henna. My first thought was that if I were in high school I would be tripping over myself to be friends with this girl. My second was to wonder if she would be interested in babysitting. Then my brain kind of went into fantasy-world where I wished for there to be a whole underground subculture of Darth-Vader-obsessed, observant-Muslim teenage girls, with a Facebook group and a manifesto about wearing black and being bad-ass and serving Allah and so forth. It is a Bitch article just begging to be written, if such a thing did exist.


Nora loves pomegranates, the fruit that wins the Pain In The Ass Lifetime Achievement Award for all those little ridiculous seeds---which are the part that you eat, how crazy is that?---and the staining juice and the rather small ROI for all the prep work. We bought one at the market anyway, and when she wanted to eat it as a before-dinner snack I was like okay, we'll use this method but let me help you because it still can get kind of messy. And then Nora said, "How about if I take off my clothes?" Wow, I hope it won't get THAT messy, but okay, whatever...of course she had disrobed before I even finished the sentence. After a long day of kindergarten, why not relax by eating pomegranate seeds in your socks and underpants? Sometimes she strips down after school but throws on her bathrobe, it is like sharing a house with the Small Lebowski or something.


Survey-people are plaguing me! My company had some sort of anonymous-but-mandatory "employee satisfaction questionnaire" online. Several of my professional organizations wanted to know how they can make next year's conference more enjoyable for me (the short answer is BOOZE). I also mistakenly answered the phone (never do this!) to find that it was my bank, or rather a survey-taker representing my bank, who wanted to know how I felt about the bank's customer service. And what an interesting time to be asking! Banks, focusing on customer service, while their liquidity dries up around them!

Subconsciously I must have felt sorry for the Gamma-Minus telephone drone asking the questions, so I did not hang up and did my best to answer. But man, never before have I taken a survey which so strongly required a "YOUR PREMISE IS FAULTY" answer option. For instance, rate the statement "My bank cares about me as a person." 1 = strongly disagree, 10 = strongly agree, etc. Well. I suppose it is "strongly disagree," because I don't believe my bank cares about me "as a person." (What does that MEAN, anyway? They certainly can't care about me as a tree frog.) So I give that answer, and the drone tries to move on, but I'm like wait! I don't think the answer should count, since I am totally okay with the bank's lack of caring. Since I do not expect my bank to care about me, but just to keep my money safe and allow me access when I need it. Since I do not tend to look to large financial institutions to satisfy my emotional needs. Telephone person does not know what to do with that.

Survey Administrator: So do you want to change your answer? Right now it's "strongly disagree" with "My bank cares about me as a person."
Me: Well, it's still "strongly disagree" in that I do not think my bank cares about me as a person. But really I strongly disagree with the whole statement qua statement!
SA: Ma'am?
Me: Okay, "strongly disagree" will do.

---mimi smartypants drew a face on her banana.


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