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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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BLUE-BALL OUTLET I do not know why I am so obsessed with abstinence kitsch. The upside is that after I get myself all creeped out, I get to creep others out in turn! I am calling this link CRAP! I RAN OUT OF PETALS! You have to check out some of the other lovely products too, such as the "Abstinence Dog Tags" (Daughter! Come here! Sit! Good girl!) and the "Single Woman's Prayer Mug" (see this on her desk and RUN RUN RUN SO FAR AWAY). MY LIMITED COPING SKILLS There are days when all it takes is one little Extra Thing to push you over the edge. As you may know, we bought a new couch a few months ago. New couch necessitated a new rug, and I had been carrying around the armrest cover of the new couch in my backpack, just in case I happened to walk by a rug store and needed to match the colors. I told my mom this, and happened to add something about how I probably would not be using the armrest covers anyway, but it sure is nice to have a piece of the couch, so to speak, that I can use for rug-color-matching purposes. She sends me back an email saying that we should consider using the couch armrest covers occasionally, so that the covers can become worn at the same rate as the couch, but that we also shouldn't use them all the time, because otherwise the arms of the couch will not fade or get worn at the same rate as the rest of the couch. Are you getting all of this? If you leave the armrest covers on all the time, and then one of them gets stained or something and you think no biggie, I will just remove these, the new, never-exposed arms of your couch will look weird. If you never use the armrest covers, when you decide that you want to (due to stains or worn places), the brand-new color and nap of the armrest covers will also look weird. So the only option, and what my mom suggested, was to ROTATE the use of the couch armrest covers, sort of on a COUCH ARMREST-COVER ROTATION SCHEDULE, and maybe it was just that I felt overextended that day but reading that made me have to put my head down on my desk for a few minutes. I have trouble with remembering to give my daughter a vitamin every day, I often forget about daylight savings time, I know we are supposed to put certain drops in the fish tank on some kind of schedule but I never get it straight in my head, and now this. This. This COUCH MAINTENANCE. I know my mom is right (she's crazy, but she's right), but I think this attention to the couch, and its armrest cover schedule, is one domestic detail that will just have to fall by the wayside, in order for me to remain non-suicidal. BRAND NEW SKIN Nora was prepping for bathtime, and to keep the show on the road I was issuing directives like "take off your pants, take off your shirt" and then I got a bit silly and said "take off your head, take off your arms, take off your skin." Nora stopped to stare at me with her mouth open and said, "Take off my skin?!? Do you want me to molt?" Yes. Please molt. Maybe I can press your old skin in a scrapbook, for posterity. ---mimi smartypants is sealed for your protection.
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