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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2005-09-20 ... 1:29 p.m.

1. Affensperma literally means "monkey sperm" in German, only the Germans also use it on drink menus to mean "banana juice." Hmmm.

2. Today I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said CRAZY MONKEY SAUCE, a phrase that produces no Google hits (until now!). Crazy monkey wank = crazy monkey sauce? Affensperma! All roads lead back!

3. I own this! I was carrying it around one long-ago college evening when I ran into a group of people that included my friend Chris who, under the influence of some powerful smokable stuff, was sitting on the staircase giggling helplessly. Which is why it was so much fun to casually hand him a zippered vinyl banana and keep chatting with the rest of the group. After a few minutes of watching him look baffled and turn it over and over in his hands, I again broke away from my conversation to lean over and whisper, "Go on, open it. Unzip the banana." Whereupon, of course, he discovered the tiny plastic roast chickens inside and really lost it.

4. "I wanted to send ukuleles to the troops in Iraq..." Oh. Okay.

5. LT and I are fans of a reality police show called The First 48. Recent weekend evenings have found us firing up the TiVo, beers in hand, only to find a repeat, and then we are totally in a murder mode and have to go hunting for something similar to watch. An old episode of Law and Order was on and after we disinterestedly watched about half of it (the Order part---the Law sucks, courtroom scenes put me to sleep) I finally put my finger on what bugs me so much about that show. Almost every murder storyline on there features upper-middle-class defendants who have complicated motives and elaborate methods. Whereas most non-TV murders are about petty drug deals, money disputes, or completely meaningless shit like being "disrespected." Another reason I hate Law and Order is that people always break down under the district attorney's courtroom questioning and confess on the stand and oh please, that never happens.

6. Why do I like bread pudding? I love bread pudding, in both sweet and savory format. But it is weird that I like it, since I also harbor a small phobia about wet bread. If even so much as a crust has been dumped in the sink I have to look away while pushing it down the disposal with a spatula. And then there's me, over here (hi!) going YUM YUM about bread pudding, which is basically nothing but wet bread with some other stuff added. What's up with that?

I also have been all about the crockpot lately, so when I found a recipe for a savory vegetable bread pudding in the crockpot, I was all over it. I became incensed, however, when I was faithfully following the directions and realized that I had been tricked into making a VEGAN bread pudding. You would think that the lack of milk and eggs (the wet part being instead vegetable stock and pureed white beans) would have tipped me off, but I am slow and thus the veganosity did not reveal itself until I got to the part about adding "soy mozzarella." Of course I said screw that and added real mozzarella, and of course there is nothing wrong with a vegan meal every now and then, but I have bad memories of being lectured about bee suffering by smelly PETA people as I attempted to put honey on my toast. Thus I am slightly prejudiced against all things vegan and I like vegan recipes to be labeled as such. The pudding is crocking as we speak, although I have my doubts about it and it could very well end up being a peanut butter night (Yay! says Nora.)

7. Okay, first I was duped into veganism, then Moaning Jesus Guy was plying his very terrible trade in the subway this morning, and just now my husband apparently programmed a computer voice to say "Studies have shown that the scrotum is a wrinkly bag" and left that message on my voice mail. This day is going downhill.

8. Nora: "Look, a starfish! It is shaped like a star. Maybe...that is why it's a starfish."


---mimi smartypants took one for the team.


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