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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-08-10 ... 1:40 p.m.

Does anyone know why I keep waking up from sleep with my teeth clenched and my jaw jutting forward? Am I dreaming I'm John Wayne or something? It�s very disconcerting.

This will be a short one, as I'm off to Iowa. The state that has a 3:1 vowel-consonant ratio. Either Iowa is an incredibly wealthy state (because, as we all know, you have to buy the vowels), or they traded all of their entertainment options in exchange for all those vowels. I bet they're sorry now. (Speaking of geographic inequities, why does Africa have all the good animals? I know that Africa has plenty of other problems, and I'm not trying to make light of those here, but damn. You got your lions, your elephants, your giraffes...all your major marquee first-class grade A star-quality zoo animals all on one continent. You go, Africa!)

The simplest explanation for why I'm going to Iowa is that I'm attending an ex-boyfriend's wedding, although the word "boyfriend" puts too light a spin on it. What actually transpired between us was quite a bit darker and more dysfunctional than that. However, he's still someone I enjoy and admire, so when his somewhat-half-assed (late, hastily xeroxed) wedding invitation arrived, I considered going, and LT, who apparently is just jonesing for a summertime I-80 adventure, seconded the motion. Iowa is an awkward distance from Chicago. It's strangely expensive to fly, since no one wants to go to Iowa, and all the flights are on creepy little John Denver/JFK Jr planes. But driving means 5 hours or so in the car, and the burden will be solely on LT. (As you recall from these pages, I don't drive. If you ever rode with me back in the days when I did drive, you will recall exactly why I no longer drive. You will recall it with white-knuckled, eye-rolling, pants-wetting terror. I apologize if this entry has been a triggering mechanism for you.)

So stock up on the granola bars and bottled water, LT and Mimi are road-trippin' to Iowa. Our car only has a cassette player, and I stopped buying tapes back around 1992, so the sounds of our trip will be distinctly old-skool. Which only seems appropriate for Iowa.

If anyone wants to reach me, make yourself a frozen drink and then give me a call on the blenderphone.

Stop it! Stop staring! Arrrggggh! This is the simplest, silliest game and yet I played it for a full 10 minutes.

How old are you? Nothing like watching the microseconds tick by.

(Those last two links were both shamelessly swiped from Brilliant, it is.)


Have a good weekend, everyone. And keep your fingers crossed that I don't end up crucified on a cross made of cornstalks. Scary Iowa!

---mimi smartypants


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