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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-06-27 ... 12:09 p.m.

Sometimes life is full of such whimsical shit. LT and I had a discussion last night about why the clock got combined with the radio, to form the clock radio. (Hi. Still with me? Clock + radio = clock radio.) (Man is "clock radio" ever fun to say. Try it in sort of a high-pitched Johnny Rotten/Jello Biafra strained punk rock whine, using a big fat permanent marker as a makeshift microphone: clock clock clock clock clock clock RADIO!) (I totally just got caught doing just that in my office. Whoops.)

Where was I? (Just south of Where The Fuck Did That Come From, that's where.) Oh. Anyway, we decided that two can play at this game, Mr. Clock Radio, and invented some other combination appliances. But since it's funnier if the appliances don't work very well, I bring you:

1. The combination hair dryer and phone. (WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT?)

2. The combination toaster oven and electric razor. (Oh, this is really dangerous. Melted cheese that close to your face? Plus the grotesque-but-inevitable little tiny hairs in your Hot Pocket or veggie burrito. Ewwww.)

3. The combination microwave and heating pad. (This would be kind of cool, actually, because you could be lying around with cramps and the heating pad on you and be making a tasty snack at the same time! But I don't think enough is known yet about microwaves to trust them so close to your internal organs.)

4. The combination garlic press and hot glue gun. (Oh, what a mess.)

5. The combination bread machine and hamster exercise wheel. (Now you really are just asking for trouble.)


1. I bet that when Wonder Woman put that Truth Lasso on certain people, she often got a lot more than she bargained for. "Okay, Wonder Woman, you got me...I spend many a lonely evening with a bottle of canola oil and a stack of your comic books..." She was pretty hot, even if I could never figure out how the heck that strapless leotard thingie was staying up.

2. Eggs are the only scrambled food. (2a. This rather frightening site is near the top of Google results for "scrambled.")

3. This girl is resolved to eat pizza every day for a year. I admire fucked-up projects like that.


I am a tea drinker. I am forgetful. That makes me a forgetful tea drinker. (Remember the clock radio math we did a while ago? Same deal.) I have three tea receptacles in my office: one big steel industrial-looking travel mug with the company logo, one ceramic mug with an elephant on it, and another travel mug featuring the Powerpuff Girls. Having this many teacups, in combination with the forgetfulness, is bad news. Especially with travel mugs, since they have those lids, and I tend to put them on the windowsill when I am through without realizing that there is still some tea left inside. Can you see where this is going? Yesterday I grabbed one of the mugs to go wash it out, and what slithered out in the sink was not to be believed. Mold, when it forms on Twinings Irish Breakfast tea, can be a solid, rubbery disk about four inches across. My mold blob actually managed to stop up the sink. I had to take a deep breath and reach in there with a wad of paper towels to get rid of it. Then I scrubbed my hands raw with the hottest possible water, like I was undergoing nuclear decontamination, and washed and washed and washed the mug, and tried to put the horror behind me. I have now taped a post-it note to each of my tea mugs that says WASH ME OR FACE THE RUBBERY MOLD DISK. That should solve the problem.

Believe it or not, I am hungry now.

---mimi smartypants is toxic but alluring.


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