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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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AS THOUGH OF HEMLOCK I HAD DRUNK Today I am afflicted with dizzy spells, and my spine feels like glass, and I hurt in all the bendy places. Plus I have a touch of maudlin Frowny Mouth Syndrome. Last night I proved my fuckwittedness once again by leaving some important paperwork in a cab. I remember what kind of cab but not, of course, the number, and I called immediately when I got home and again just now, and filled out their little online lost and found form in great detail, but apparently my bag containing important paperwork (and, less importantly, a Talking Heads CD and an ugly skirt I had planned to return) has not been turned in yet. If I don't hear anything by the end of the day tomorrow I will have to start the process of replacing and recreating the important paperwork, and my spine feels even glassier and my mouth more frowny as I think about that. There is nothing worse than suffering caused through one's own stupidity; I think that just about everyone would rather be a victim than a fuckup. If only a giant pterodactyl from the distant past had swooped down and stolen my important paperwork. If only I had been surrounded by murderous ninjas and had to hurl my important paperwork at them in order to escape. But no, I just left it in a taxicab (sober, even!). Sigh. (I am making too much of this, I know, but I am feeling dramatic. Leave me alone.) QUERY Hello, Chicago? Can I ask you a question? What is up with the Oscar Wilde thing? Four times in the last two days I have seen someone on public transit reading some sort of Oscar Wilde collection. Is Oscar Wilde the hip author to be seen reading now and I was not informed? Is there some sort of Wilde-O-Rama going on? Whatever. I am staying out of it. You can have your Oscar Wilde, see if I care. LINK CITY, USA You have heard of Art Frahm and his falling-underwear paintings, of course? If not, here's your chance. Smart (with several t's) music-related weblog. Dude. This is exciting. I want to get tickets printed for every aspect of my life. Want to come in my office and ask me a question? Show your ticket, please. Heh heh. Knob Lick. Heh. Google Referral Of The Day: damn I am a lonely owl. IT BURNS
Here is the copy on a bottle of hair goop I used this morning: Tested on models, not animals. So it is really someone's job to hold supermodels down and pour hair goop in their eyes? MINOR EPIPHANIES (MY OWN PERSONAL "DUH" MOMENTS) 1. When you are tired, it is okay to go to sleep. Even if the bars are still open. 2. If you have a headache, and you take an aspirin, the headache often goes away. 3. If you think something is funny, someone else probably will too. Go ahead and say it. 4. Drinking more water can make you less thirsty. 5. Not every closed-door office conference is a plot to fire you.* *Along those same lines, remember when you were a self-conscious younger version of yourself? And every time you walked by people who were whispering or laughing you thought they were whispering or laughing about you? And then later you realized that you and your looks and behavior are a matter of complete indifference to the universe. Were you relieved or did you feel kind of ignored and alienated? WHAT'S THE GOTHIEST RICE IN THE PANTRY? THREE WORK-RELATED THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT (I am grasping at straws today) 1. I soon will get to not be here for a while. I take off for London on Tuesday night. 2. Later in the month I have to go on a business trip, and I just found out that since the woman I am going with is a Huge Cheese we get to fly first-class. This is a dumb thing to be excited about but I have never done that before. 3. In a recent editorial meeting, I embarrassingly was the only one present who knew the meaning of "huffing." Other people were debating the word choice, and I had to speak up and say it was a legitimate term. So now I am the resident expert on slang terms relating to substance abuse. Yee haw! ---mimi smartypants always wears her seat belt. back/forward |
