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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-06-21 ... 7:57 a.m.

One of the other things my parents brought me when they visited last week was a large box of childhood stuff: old school papers, art projects, crap like that. I guess since they've moved into their empty-nester condo they no longer want to keep stuff like that around. I don't really want to keep stuff like that around either, but neither do I particularly want to throw it all away, so now it's in my basement instead of theirs. Before I put it down there, though, I went through it, and while it was mostly the usual sentimental junk, I did find one gem: a book that I had made at age 4 or 5. It's all stapled together nicely, with a cover page and illustration, and here's the text, lettered hugely and deliberately in brown crayon:

Sam the Snake and Fred the Frog

One day Sam the Snake was taking a walk. He met a frog. The frog needed a pal. Sam Snake said to the frog, "Do you want to come to my house?" "Yes, I will," said the frog. Soon they were at Sam's house. They had tea. "My name is Sam Snake," said Sam the Snake. "And my name is Fred," said the frog. "Fred Frog." "Where do you live?" asked Sam Snake. "In the swamp," said Fred Frog. "And you know where I live," said Sam Snake. "In this hut. Would you like to take another walk?" "Yes, I would," said Fred Frog. "But that was good tea. Would you make me one more cup?" "Yes, I will," said Sam. And they were pals. The end.

I honestly do not remember making this book at all. But a few points:

(1) I have not reproduced the misspellings, although there were surprisingly few. "Takeing" was one, and "another" and "swamp" are hopelessly mangled, needing to be deduced from context. (At first I thought the frog lived in a "stamp.")

(2) The best thing about this whole book is my obsessive use of quotation marks, even at 5 years old. They are huge. They are like giant velociraptor claw marks surrounding every bit of dialogue. (And, as you can tell, Sam the Snake and Fred the Frog is a character-driven, dialogue-heavy saga.)

(3) Lots of walks, lots of tea-drinking in this action-packed thrill ride. A bit light on plot, wouldn't you say?

(4) Do snakes take walks? Do they drink tea? Do they live in "huts"? Hey, man. Suspend your disbelief for once, will you?

(5) Do you like how I left the door wide open for a sequel there, at the end? "And then they were pals." Lord only knows what could happen next to Sam and Fred! By the way, I should mention that both Universal and Miramax have been calling about optioning this story, and are currently in a bidding war over the movie rights. I hear they're thinking John Travolta for the frog and Samuel L. Jackson for the snake. I'll be ready to sell when the deal is right.

---mimi smartypants


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