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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-05-10 ... 2:36 p.m.

I am actually in a pretty good mood (today's Weather Word is MELLOW), but it amuses me to pretend to be cranky. And that shouldn't freak anyone out too badly, since I often am cranky. However, I hope that when I am cranky, I am cranky in a funny, good-natured way and not in a bitter evil gloom-dispensing way. (Similarly, if/when I ever go insane, I hope that I go insane in an eccentric, scarf-wearing, complicated-delusion way and not in a sad, disorganized, paranoid and fretful way. I want to be Scarf Crazy. If indeed I get a choice, which I don't think I do.)


(1) I do not like the panda. The panda should have died out long ago. The panda is clearly not meant to survive, from an evolutionary biology standpoint. Pandas only eat one food (bamboo). Pandas refuse to fuck and have baby pandas, despite our best efforts, and they have a very low birth rate even in the wild. Pandas often have twin baby pandas and just abandon the smaller one. If by some miracle a panda does give birth and the baby survives, they often roll over on their baby and smush it to death by accident. If you ask me (and you didn't), pandas are not even cute. They have big hydrocephalic-looking heads and seem kind of mentally slow. Let's stop devoting all our resources to the panda and focus on something else.

Thus spake mimi smartypants, who is no friend to pandas.

(2) The second thing I don't like is vanity license plates. I propose that each person who applies for a vanity license plate be given a kick in the groin. Two kicks in the groin if you want something like SEXYGUY or 2FAST4U. You'd go to the DMV, apply for the plate, pay your money, and then go stand in line and wait for your kick in the groin (supplied by a bored DMV employee wearing one steel-toed boot). I might make an exception if someone's vanity license plate was actually clever, but so few are.

(3) The other night, I was sitting around in a T-shirt and underwear, drinking a beer from a can and watching the Lakers be DENIED. (I'm trying to build up my butch image. Is it working?) And I guess I hadn't seen a Lakers game in a while, because I was shocked/dismayed/annoyed that Kobe Bryant has trimmed down his mini-fro. Now he just looks like everyone else. Damn.

Oh, I can't pretend to be cranky anymore. It�s Friday and I am wearing a striped skirt and Mary Janes ($3 at Unique Thrift: sometimes it's an advantage to have child-sized feet) and am only a few hours from hitting the bars. Happy times, boys and girls. Happy times. Instead of the crankiness, here's some dumb links, with the theme of ejaculation, artistic and otherwise.


Or you could just lay off the dairy and cut down to less than a pack a day.

Anyone lose some goat semen?

I recommend this entire slide show. However, this one is my favorite.


Interesting article on the state of painting. Hmmm.

You all know this, but I heart Lucian Freud. A visit to the retrospective will be part of my London visit, over Fourth of July weekend.

Serious fiction, whatever that means.

Oatmeal box photography.

A very pretty Japanese ant chart.

---mimi smartypants is ferociously magical.


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