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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2000-05-08 ... 12:57:13

My freshman year in college, I always took a certain route back to my dorm from the library or dining hall, a route that took you through a kind of a wooded area. One day there was a dead bird lying on the ground. I got sort of used to seeing the dead bird and watching the progress of its decay every evening after dinner. In fact, as a sort of friendly gesture toward the dead bird's spirit, I began to yell, "Dead Bird!" every time I passed it. (Also, when you have OCD, things that are amusing one time quickly become rituals.) So life went on, and I saw the dead bird every day for about a month. One day, mysteriously, it was gone. Just gone. I go to yell my customary "Dead Bird!" but there's no dead bird. For a while I thought about yelling "Inexplicable Absence of Dead Bird!" every time I passed, but that just seemed too cumbersone so I gave up.

And that's the end of my totally pointless story. Speaking of disgusting things, however, I was in San Antonio this past weekend for that editors' conference. The conference was good, but San Antonio made kind of a negative impression on me. First of all, this Riverwalk thing they're so damn proud of. Um, it's really more of a stagnant canal. With lots of trash floating in it. And it smells, especially when it's 90 degrees and humid. And the water level's really high, and there's no barricades or railing or anything, and I being my paranoid self kept imagining Bad Men sneaking up behind me and tossing me in. I gamely went for a walk along it for a while, thinking it might get better, but when I saw the swimming rat I gave up and turned around. Just swimming along in the canal, with its little rat head poking out of the filthy water and its long gross rat tail trailing along behind. That was it for me and the Riverwalk.

I was thinking of writing the mayor of San Antonio and suggesting a new city seal for them, with a swimming rat. It could be their official mascot.

If any readers are from San Antonio and are convinced that the Riverwalk is a beautiful and precious civic asset to be treasured, please feel free to write and chastise me. And say hi to the Swimming Rat if you see him.

---ms mimi smartypants


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