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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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ARE THERE ANTS CRAWLING ALL OVER YOU OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME? You know that guy who's been thinking about ants lately? I'll give him something to think about. What, you want more? OH BE QUIET You had to go and irritate me with sentences like this: Today, we can continue to create great and original work through similarly disciplined methods, thereby avoiding the pitfalls associated with easy eclecticism. SAY IT THREE TIMES FAST The Italian word for the @ symbol is chiocciolina. YUCK Although I am a huge fan of Twinings teas (in particular, their Irish Breakfast and Earl Grey kick ass all over any other sort of bagged tea), I urge you to (rap with me) Stay Away From Lady Grey. It is not good. I can't explain exactly how it is not good: it has little flavor to speak of but an incredibly strong complicated odor, sort of like perfume and gin and bergamot and oranges all at once. So Lady Grey tea gets the big thumbs-down from me. I've kicked Ms. Grey to the curb. But at least I'm not eating a 3-year-old sandwich. SOMETHING OF WHICH I AM TIRED There are these men prowling the streets of River North. They hang around on street corners, impeccably and fashionably dressed, and accost random women, smiling sweetly and politely, looking like they are about to ask for directions or something innocuous like that, and they say: "Can I ask you a question about your hair?" Huh? The first time it happened I was completely taken aback, and because I had actually paused I gave this guy an opening to start his spiel, blah blah blah coupons for salon services and if you give them money think of the money you'll save! (note: when have you ever SAVED money by BUYING something?) So I had to weasel out of that one, mostly by using one of my patented Stern Looks of Disapproval and walking away. After that episode I learned my lesson and so now I just march briskly onward whenever I see an overly well-dressed young man loitering on the street corner. Yesterday, however, because the sun was out and the sky was blue and everything was so fucking ducky, I was lost in my thoughts and didn't spot the guy in time: He swanned over to me and said, "Can I ask you a question?" "Is it about my hair?" "Um...yeah." Poor guy. Poor, crestfallen, supremely irritating, hair salon marketing guy. WAIT, IT'S A GAME? Because the weekend is almost here, I give you the postmodern drinking game. I WEEP WITH CONFUSION What is a zither? I bet there are all kinds of kid's alphabet books that feature a drawing of a zither, to illustrate the letter z, and it's probably totally wrong. Never mind the fact that it is completely useless to teach a kid what a zither looks like. What are the chances that he or she will ever encounter a zither? And what are the chances, if the zither encounter does take place, that it really will be a zither and not something else entirely, as we see from the link above! Oh, the indeterminacy and flux! Postmodern drinking game, indeed. ---mimi smartypants lives in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane. back/forward |
