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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-04-06 ... 1:24 p.m.

Sometimes you don't have to say anything about your Friday night except: Closed the Goldstar, stole a traffic cone. Oh, and lost every arm-wrestling bout I engaged in, damn it.

Yeah, that should suffice for the Explication of Friday Night.

Beyond odd. I remember the He-Man cartoon. Didn't Skeletor live inside a giant skull? I wish I lived inside a giant skull. I shall speak to the condo association about that. The perfect Saturday afternoon DIY project: to transform this six-flat into a giant skull.

So. After my Friday night of beer, petty theft, and feats of strength, my Saturday has been mostly spent in a weird consumer orgy. LT and I had all kinds of errands to run, and we ran them very quickly and efficiently, which I appreciate but still it felt a little odd to be running around the city spending the cash money.* We purchased party supplies, folding chairs, and I impulsively bought these tiny little beers. So! Cute! So! Tiny! Perfect for children! At 4.5 oz each, you could even have the whole six-pack and not feel at all bad about it. Not that I would ever do anything like that.

Then we went to scary Crate and Barrel for an olive pitter (don't ask. things need pitting, ok?). Crate and Barrel is a very scary place. On a Saturday morning it is packed full of scary yuppies in Dockers, all glassy-eyed with affluenza and clutching bridal registries. LT kept whining, "My LIFESTYLE hurts," which was probably funny only to us. Then seeing all that glassware in one place started to provoke strange smashy-smashy urges in my dark black soul (I could actually SEE myself going ape and smashing things, like a precognitive movie spooling out in the screening room of my brain), so we quickly located the olive pitter, paid, and made like trees and left.

(Wait, that doesn't work.)

*(Wow it took me a long time to get to this footnote. Anyway, I thought you should know that if you Google the phrase "cash money," which is a ludicrous saying that nonetheless makes me laugh for some reason, you get all the very worst of the web in one convenient place: work-at-home pyramid schemes, beyond-lame rap stars with their big stupid pants and big stupid egos, etc.)

Medieval post-it notes. If you don't giggle at this chat transcript, you are probably dead.

Helloooooo Chicago! We're Archimedean Semi-Regular Polyhedra and WE WILL ROCK YOU!

And I have watched this movie about fifty thousand times today and my fingers are starting to itch in that weird way where I know I will dream about it tonight. Be grateful you are not me.

This is shorter than normal, but I have little beers to drink and books to read and a nap to take before hostessing a shindig this evening. Are you coming over?

---mimi smartypants made a fort out of a card table and some blankets.


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