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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-03-18 ... 7:40 p.m.


by mimi smartypants

1. Is there some sort of Motivation Medicine I can swallow and suddenly become interested in things again? Things like my job, eating proper meals, dressing for the weather? Paying bills? Picking up and putting away the massive piles of newspapers and books that are slowly taking over every horizontal surface in my house? If such a magical drug existed, I would be swallowing it right now. (Or snorting it, or injecting it, or however one takes the Motivation Medicine. What would it be called, if it were a prescription thing? Motivex? DoItAll? La-Z-Ass No More? Gumptionacin?)

2. I've had that Minor Threat song stuck in my head all day, which is really odd, considering the weekend I had and considering my worldview in general. No X's on my hands, nope. And no lockstep group rules, either. The straight-edge FAQ had some parts that kind of scared me, to be honest, such as the line about how straight-edge kids "don't take on the commitment of sex until they're ready for the commitment of marriage." Hmmm, how very mainstream, patriarchal, and puritanical of you. It's fine to enjoy your sackcloth and ashes, and it's fine to abstain from sex if that's working for you, but why force marriage into the equation? Creepy.


4. So, for the hot cross buns, is it one or two for a penny? Make up your minds. They probably advertise two a penny, and then you get there and it's the old bait-and-switch. Someone should call the Better Business Bureau about that.

5. It's so rare to have a nice customer-service experience that I feel like I should document this one. Think Outside ROCKS. My portable keyboard, which I love very much, had its "H" fall off soon after I started using it. I tried to reattach the H, with my shaky little hands and tweezers and a whole lot of swearing, to no avail. (It's not a simple stick-on maneuver; there was some sort of plastic wing piece that needed to be teased out and attached in a complicated way.) So for a while there was no H key. H was still typable, one (okay, I) just had to press down hard on a little rubber button instead of a nice square H. But this bugged me because I AM A GREEDY WHORE FOR THE ALPHABET AND I WANT 26 LETTERS IN PLAIN SIGHT GODDAMMIT. So I sent an e-mail to Think Outside, and not only did they immediately offer to send me a new keyboard, they sent the keyboard FIRST and included a prepaid FedEx envelope for me to return the H-free keyboard. Thus I did not have to be without my keyboard for one second. And thus ends Mimi Smartypants' Consumer Reports Jamboree.

6. FedEx envelopes, which are made of Tyvek, have a very unpleasant texture.

7. A very well-designed and useful mathematics site. I went there to look up Riemannian geometry, but their explanation was way too brief and technical to do me any good. This page helped a little more.

8. Is there any particular reason why USB ports can't be on the front of computers? I am small and limber, yet even I grow tired of crawling around on the floor plugging things in.

9. I have tried this sleep schedule. It's much harder than it sounds.

10. I snickered at this, because in some ways I am extremely immature. Heck, I still snicker at "sperm whale" and "Lake Titticaca."

11. TOAST. (a) I could spend all day at (b) And don't forget Vodootoaster, though there is not nearly enough toast-related content, if you ask me. (c) This is a mural of a toaster, made of toast.

Now I am tired.

---mimi smartypants suspects that Barry Manilow and David Copperfield are the same person.


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