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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-03-15 ... 10:17 a.m.

The strange horoscopes, Google, and the Sun-Times weather words are all personal oracles of mine. Today's weather word is HUMDRUM. The Sun-Times also has on their front page a picture of some of those creepy Irish dance girls with the hair and the dresses and their creepy locked-knee puppet legs flailing this way and that, and seeing that picture reminded me that it is St Patrick's Day weekend, so the amateur drunks will probably be out in full force to ruin my good time. And I have a good chance of inadvertently seeing some of those creepy puppet girls, and having nightmares as a result. And crap will get poured in the river. And The World's Most Powerful Texan Who Can't Even Eat a Pretzel Properly will be here, apparently. I shall stay the fuck away from downtown tomorrow.

This is the top result for Googling "humdrum" (which, I will remind you, describes today's weather. Just in case you thought it was humid or overcast or chilly. You were wrong. It is humdrum). Interesting.

Last night I AGAIN went to the Gold Star with Kat, had Old Style and popcorn for dinner, monopolized the jukebox with our gothy sensibilities, exhorted some guy named Jose to get a haircut, and talked a lot about death and dying. And smoked too many cigarettes, which I'm paying for now, the payment taking the form of a bad taste in my mouth that will not go away no matter how many times I brush, no matter how many mints I eat, no matter how many Beverages Other Than Beer I imbibe. As well as the other sign, bartenders need to periodically hold up a sign that says GO EASY ON THE CIGARETTES, YO. Come to think of it, bartenders are busy people, so never mind with the holding up of the signs. How about if every bar replaced its television with a monitor screen that could convey these various messages to us customers. I would appreciate that.

As I was leaving this random man on the street stole my cab. I thought that only happened in movies. He looked right at me standing there, hailing the cab that was coming toward us, and he quickly marched past me down the street, intercepted the cab, and took it. YOU BASTARD! I hope he was a doctor rushing to perform a heart transplant. That's just about the only excuse for such boorish behavior.

I have a small crush on this girl who works in my office building, and I rarely see her because it's such a huge place. (In fact for a while, when I would see her outside in the windswept plaza, I wasn't even sure if she worked in my building or just nearby.) Today I rode the elevator with her (that's not a euphenism) and also got to hear her speak (not to me). And I was very surprised that she has a weird tiny high-pitched little baby voice. It doesn't necessarily make her less attractive, it was just kind of surprising to me. Why do I bring this up now? I have no idea.

Look out! This guy made friends through the Internet! [sarcasm alert] oh dear oh dear if that's not a red flag of warning I don't know what is. [sarcasm alert over, all-clear!] Actually I had kind of planned to make fun of "Dr Chaos" in general, but then this article made him seem like a sad person, so I won't.

Giant flounder penis. It sort of has nothing to do with a giant flounder penis, but the "Mission Statement Generator" made me laugh because that's exactly the kind of crap I was forced to write in my short-lived stint as a copywriter at the Bahrain ad agency. That generator would have saved me a lot of time.

Here's an old article, in charmingly misinformed prose, about the ad agency I worked for. "In other words, it is a premium agency and is considered to be the most expensive agency in the Meast." (I'm sure it is the most expensive agency in the Meast. There wouldn't be a whole lot of competition, considering there is no such place as the Meast.)

---mimi smartypants can hardly wait.


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