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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-03-12 ... 2:05 p.m.

I hope you're not eating anything right now. I know you think you can handle it, and maybe you can. But I couldn't, and I have a pretty high tolerance for gross stuff. Thou hast been warned.

As you know if you've wasted any time here whatsoever, I see a lot of odd things on Chicago public transit. Yesterday, on a crowded bus, I ended up having to stand next to a seated old man with a several-inches-long green-yellow snot string hanging out of his nose. It seemed fairly static, as if the snot were viscous enough to stretch just so far and then bob and hang and weave. This was pure torture. I was honestly sickened and trying not to look, but at the same time I was sort of unable to keep from checking on the string of snot periodically to see if it would finally lose cohesiveness and fall. It didn't. Not even as he stood (I rapidly backed out of his way) and exited the bus. Was he too nearsighted to see the snot string dangling and swaying, clearly in his line of vision? Did he suffer from some sort of nasal paralysis/loss of sensation that rendered him unable to feel the gravitational pull of the snot string? It was grotesque and puzzling.

Interview with David Riley, former bassist for Big Black, who has interesting life experiences and opinions. Today I have been alternating Big Black, Steve Reich (Music for 18 Musicians), Boards of Canada, and the Haydn String Quartets (I like the Emerson's take on them, although some others don't). Schizophrenic much?

A while ago I was in the office on a Saturday, completely by myself, and because I'm a rebel, and an anarchist, and the Man can't keep me down no sir no way, I decided to use the men's bathroom to see what it was like. The men's bathroom in my office has large, deep dividers, like miniature walls, between each pair of urinals. (I didn't use a urinal, because I'm not that adventurous or talented, but it was an architectural feature worth noting.) Thus, each urinal is in its own private area. Note to the cripplingly pee-shy: apply for a job in my office! You'll be fine!

Today's letter is L, one of my very favorites.

FAMOUS PEOPLE WHOSE LAST NAME BEGINS WITH L WITH WHOM I'D LIKE TO DINE: D. H. Lawrence (although I don't want to sit next to him), Sir Thomas Lipton (thanks for the tea!), Robert Lowell, Myrna Loy, Richmond Lattimore (and get his opinions about all the flat prose translations of the Iliad that are coming out now), Antonie van Leeuwenhoek, Mikhail Lermontov, David Lodge, Rosa Luxembourg, Joan Larkin (Joan Jett's real name), and Abraham Lincoln (please let me try on the stovepipe hat!)

SEXY WORDS THAT START WITH L, ALPHABETIZED HERE ALTHOUGH THEY DID NOT START OUT THAT WAY: labanotation, labia, lacuna, lagniappe, laid [as in "get"], laissez-faire, lambda, lambent, langoustine, languid, larghetto, lagoon, lascivious, latchkey, latex, lava, leafy, lecherous, legerdomain, legume, lexicology, liaison, libertine, libido, licentious, lick, light-year, limber, limn, lingo, liquid, lithium, logarithim, loin, loofah, lothario, lotus, lubricate, lucent, lull, lust.

RELATING TO SEX: Often, the day after getting it on, LT will succumb to a sore throat or sniffles or a general feeling of ill-health. There is something about sex with me that weakens the constitution. I am an immune-system succubus!

---mimi smartypants is pegged to the euro.


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