Back to Diaryland

the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2000-03-07 ... 13:10:40

I like to watch the construction of this giant building that's going on outside my window. A giant crane is silently (from my vantage point) hauling up giant slabs of concrete to the very top of this skyscraper, and they are somehow being maneuvered into place and being stuck to the side of the building. It's pretty fun to watch.

Speaking of giant things (and why shouldn't we), this morning, even before I'd had my juice (an absolute must first thing after waking mouth won't function until after the juice), I was terrorized by a huge insect in the kitchen. I'm glad LT was still home to kill it (man, I am so not a pacifist when it comes to giant bugs) because I don't know if I would have had the arm strength. It was a shiny black beetle thing about the size of a Cadillac. We saw a few of them in the old apartment every once in a while, but never here yet...I really really hope it is just a one-time thing. These beetle things are huge, fat, and slow, with a crunchy shell that makes them difficult to squish. Ugh, it was just too horrifying.

I don't like bugs in my house. But better the occasional big fat beetle than roaches. Ick ick ick. Once, in college, I sublet a really terrifyingly cheap apartment for about 6 months that had roaches. They pop out of the most unlikely places and scare the shit out of you. ICK! I used to wash the dishes BEFORE I ate off of them, in case a roach had scurried across. I'm getting grossed out just remembering it.

Another house I lived in during college had mice. Surprisingly, this wasn't that bad. They were mostly in the basement, and a few in the walls. We had a house cat, a big tough girl named Eskimo, and she was really quite the hunter despite having no claws. (She would mostly just SMACK them with her paws like she was playing Whack-A-Mole, breaking their little mousy spines.) Then she would play with the dead mouse body like it was a cat toy. Because she had plenty of cat food, she had no interest in EATING the mouse...however, we had quite the efficient little food chain going, as one of the women in the house had a snake. Take the mouse body, warm it up for a few seconds in the microwave (not too long or it will burst), drop it in the snake's cage. I think that snake grew over a foot that year.

By the way, the guy who owned the microwave was an extremely anal person, and was luckily always at work when this we did not have permission to warm up dead mice in his microwave. But we always cleaned it afterwards and figured what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

---mimi smartypants, author of The Dead Mouse Microwave Cookbook (for Snakes)


join my Notify List and get email when I update my site:
Powered by