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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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Before we begin, let's get this out of the way: Be still my heart! Would it just be too, too decadent to go to London for a weekend in June? FOUR PUNY PETTY PROBLEMS OF MINE 1. The entire world woke up today and said: Hey, let's all be mean to Mimi Smartypants! Let's dump a whole bunch of work on her and make snarky remarks when she doesn't get it all done instantly! Let's imply that she is not a very useful person to have around! And for heavens sake don't let's forget to sit way too close to her on the train and cough our tubercular lungs out, making no effort whatsoever to redirect the diseased droplets of our spittle! 2. Also, either I have short little flipperish arms or clothes these days are designed for Mutant Monkey-Women, because all of my sweaters and shirts have these giant sleeves that constantly slip down over my hands and make it hard to do anything. 3. I slept lightly and strangely last night, twisted up uncomfortably with lots of anxiety dreams. In one I was sitting on a park bench with someone I haven't seen since high school, and he was making me laugh, and every time I laughed this guy would stop talking and angrily say, "DON'T DO THAT" and I felt guilty and ashamed. Also a dream in which he called and got me out of bed in the middle of the night only to show me a pineapple. "Isn't it neat?" his dream-self asked. So yeah, not a lot of sleeping for me. 4. Suffered some pen leakage and now I have purple ink all over my hand. Remember when Bert had a purple hand? It was spookily never explained. (By the way, this page adds more fuel to my theory that Ernie was a jerk.) FOUR THINGS I CAN SEE OUT MY OFFICE WINDOW RIGHT NOW 1. The Hancock Building, and a bunch of other buildings that don't have names. 2. Three construction cranes. 3. A big gray SUV exiting a parking garage. 4. A white plastic bag caught in an updraft, sailing around in circles. FOUR OF THE MANY CLASSES OFFERED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ME Advanced Topics in Overthinking and Obsession Hair-Twirling and Cuticle-Chewing Seminar The Art of the Nap You Must Read Everything: Independent Study With Gargantuan Reading List FOUR THINGS I INVOLUNTARILY LEARNED FROM THE YUPPIE BUSINESSMAN ON THE TRAIN WITH THE BOOMING, RESONANT VOICE, BECAUSE OF COURSE IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT THAT WE ALL HEAR HIS CELL PHONE CONVERSATIONS 1. He used to think that society was a sort of meritocracy, and that how smart and creative you were and how hard you worked mattered, but now he realizes that "it's who you know." (Note: this realization didn't seem to bother him in the least.) 2. Pete is an idiot. Pete didn't cc John on that report. You can't trust Pete. Pete is going to get a new asshole ripped when he gets to work. 3. Hurry up, because his phone is almost out of battery power. He should be there in about 15 minutes. 4. He can't have lunch on Monday because he's flying to Denver to meet with those assholes at the branch office. But we should get together the week after that, for a drink or something. FOUR BEVERAGES I HAVE ALREADY CONSUMED TODAY, BECAUSE VARIETY IS THE FREAKING SPICE OF LIFE 1. Earl Grey tea 2. water 3. Diet Pepsi 4. cranberry-grape 100% juice The final four (or two fours, actually): 404 Porn Not Found. ---mimi smartypants is a four-eyed candyass crybaby. back/forward |
