Back to Diaryland

the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2000-02-22 ... 09:47:26

This journal seems really light and airy sometimes. I have the perfect life, husband, job, and social life. Amusing things happen to me. Etc.

And that's true, to a certain extent. But sometimes I wonder if I purposely ignore the darker stuff. Most of it was in the past, which is my rationale for not including it here. I don't really see this journal as a place for me to hash out and review what's gone before. It's more a chronicle of now, at this particular 28-year-old time of my life.

Again, it's not worth agonizing over here, but since it's been on my mind lately, let's just say that my little OCD problem is starting to once again rear its anxious and ugly head. I was on medication once for this, in college, but have since learned to integrate my strange compulsions into my everyday life and personality without taking drugs or appearing weird to others (well, not too weird) or having it run my life. So far.

But these past few days I have had to touch things. I have to count to the "number of the day." I have to do every single thing on my to-do list in order, even if the order doesn't make much sense. I have to mentally put a bizarre magical thinking order of protection on LT every time he leaves the house. I have to stand on the landing with my keys in my hand, wondering if I locked the door I just locked. And sometimes I have to check and make sure I really did.

I'm okay. This has happened before, and my OCD waxes and wanes with my stress and anxiety level. Hopefully I'll never get back to that paralyzed place that made me resort to medication initially, where I couldn't leave the dorm room without counting every single ceiling and floor tile.

And that's enough gut-spilling for one day. Tomorrow we'll go back to witty banter, I promise.

---ms. mimi smartypants


join my Notify List and get email when I update my site:
Powered by