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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2000-02-02 ... 15:28:25

Meeting A. in mere moments for wine and tapas. This particular tapas bar is in fact directly across the street from a topless bar. So the old joke applies. (Although this particular River North topless bar insists on calling itself a "gentleman's club." Um, yeah. Right.)

I've been to strip clubs and aside from any philosophical issues I may have with the male gaze and sex workers blah blah, I just completely fail to see how an atmosphere like that could be sexy. Forlorn, lonely, and sad, maybe, but sexy? A bunch of guys paying too much for watery drinks and watching an utterly bored woman in a g-string gyrate around a pole? For that matter, I've never understood why some guys GET TOGETHER and watch porn. How odd to peruse what is essentially masturbation material in a group setting.

Now, I'm not knocking pornography per se. I just have no interest in the visual kind, although I do have my share of erotic books (the proverbial "one-handed read"). I get so bored with porno movies, and I'm very easily distracted. I'm bored with the sex, so I'm checking out the set and the production values and the lighting. Some woman is taking it up the ass and I'm sitting there going, "What is that on the coffee table? No, really, what the heck is that?" And "Hey look, you can see the edge of the boom mike in this shot!" and "Man, what a shoddy bikini wax!" So no thanks to the dirty movies for this girl. Ditto with magazines...they just don't do it for me. Everyone's expressions are either bored or somehow mean and angry. I'd rather leave it up to my imagination.

Good lord, how did I go from tapas to porn? I hope I don't get any strange Penthouse Forum-type e-mails after venturing into this subject. "Dear Mimi Smartypants, I never thought it would happen to me..."

---m. smartypants


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