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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2001-01-05 ... 18:14:40

I was late coming back from lunch today. I was late because I was utterly transfixed by the demolition of a building. I stood there on the sidewalk, clinging to the chainlink fence and grinning from ear to ear, until my toes got too cold and I had to go.

Demolition is beautiful. Earth movers! Bulldozers! Chunks of concrete and twisted rebar! Gaping yawning holes in the earth! Plaid flannel quilted work jackets! Hard hats! The noise! The diesel fumes!

Someday, I want to drive one of those big machines. Once, a long time ago, I asked a construction worker if I could. Just for a minute. But then he started yammering on about safety and union regulations and training. Fuck that! I am Mimi Smartypants, I can drive a bulldozer! How hard can it be?

If I were to win the lottery, I would immediately buy a tract of land out in the country somewhere and an earth mover. On the weekends (or hell, during the week...didn't I just postulate that I had won the lottery?) I could drive around my land in the earth mover, my giant treads leaving tracks all over the place. I would dig a huge hole and then scoop up all the dirt and fill it back up again. It would be heaven.

Have you seen the commercial with the hopping pink stomach? It's for some ulcer drug and it features a stomach (pink, vaguely oval, with some tube on one end that I assume is supposed to represent an intestine) that is sleeping in bed, then gets up and packs a suitcase, and then heads for "Reliefville" or something like that. I don't know, I couldn't watch too closely. Too disturbing.

What would make someone think that would be a good ad? I mean really, what the hell? If I were a director at an ad agency, and some creative brought me the hopping stomach idea, I would give him/her a very stern look and say, "Try again."

---mimi smartypants


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