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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2000-12-19 ... 14:25:00

Just in time for the holidays, I have stigmata! Sort of. I have a weird dry skin patch, quarter-sized, on my left wrist, in approximately the place they (they?) would put some nails were I to be crucified. OK fine, it's not bleeding, and I didn't have any visions, and it's only on one wrist, and I don't have the corresponding foot marks or hole in the side, and it's actually the wrong holiday (stigmata should happen around Easter, traditionally, I would think), but isn't it ever so much more interesting to have stigmata than just a cold-weather case of dry skin?

[weary Marlene Dietrich accent on] Ach, so many parties. Work parties and social events and my birthday and New Year's coming up. We are being the hosts again, entertaining around 75 people (thus far) at our place for New Year's. Which leads me to ask, do any of you have the balls to meet Mimi Smartypants in person? If you live in Chicago, e-mail me, and tell me in 25 words or less how you're not a psycho killer and how I should let you know my real-life home address, and I'll invite you and a friend to our New Year’s party. That is, if you don't have anything better to do. Which you probably do, being hip hop happening Smartypants readers and all. But I've done the crowded New Year's bar thing, and I've decided I far prefer being the hostess, mixing drinks and serving hors d'oeuvres and refilling champagne glasses.

Ooops, looks like I forgot to turn the weary Marlene Dietrich accent off. Consider it off.

I really have to gather some more interesting stories, instead of all this holiday talk. Maybe I'll go carjack somebody and lead the police on a wild chase through the downtown area. Except I can't drive. Maybe I could steal one of those horse and carriage things and lead the police on a wild trot through the downtown area instead. Do you think they'd (there "they" are again) let me update this from prison? And do you think that's what delinquent Amish kids do? Go joyriding in someone else's buggy? (Hmm, that sounds dirty. Baby, I'd like to take a joyride in your buggy.)

Enough! Turn off that stream-of-consciousness spigot before someone gets hurt!

---mimi smartypants, the tiny fugitive.

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