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the latest
waddle: good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03 elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01 building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19 ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09 my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04
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MORE LIKE TEXT MESSAGES FROM YOUR DRUNKEST FRIEND THAN AN INTERNET DIARY 1. The walk home from the bus stop featured a single Cheerio, almost exactly in the middle of the sidewalk, every three feet or so. Modern-day Hansel and Gretel? OCD-afflicted toddler tossing cereal out of the stroller at carefully-timed intervals? 2. I am annoyed at Ed, who posts entertaining rants with some regularity over at Gin and Tacos, for using the phrase "Christ-rapingly bad." I don't even remember the context, but I cannot get this phrase out of my head. It is funny and horrible and evocative and very, very persistent. 3. What's in BARF? Probably not what you'd think. 4. Kids these days! I was on the train and these two Orthodox boys were giggling with each other and drawing something with a Sharpie marker on the seat in front of them! Cluck, cluck went my motherly tongue! Vandalism, and so close to the Day of Atonement, too! I leaned over and quietly said, "Please don't do that," which startled them so much that they just stared at me with their mouths open. At which point I added, "I know where you live." I didn't really, but dressed like that and headed northside? Five bucks says they live mere blocks from me. Then I went back to my book and they went back to their SHAME. 5. Nora went to the doctor yesterday and she is finally THIRTY POUNDS. The big three oh! And it only took 44 months to get there! Better lay off the Fig Newtons, you tub of lard, or soon you'll be waving bye-bye to the fifth percentile! I am joking, of course, but it does feel like a milestone. Nora explained away her recent weight gain by saying, "It makes sense, because I have been pretending to be a superhero for a while now." You all can ditch your 'roids and powders, because apparently the way to build mass is to wear a cape and run around the house striking poses and screaming CAPTAIN AMERICA! or INCREDIBLE HULK! I have tried to suggest that superheroes do more than scream out their own names (but do they really? Isn't the entire superhero gestalt an ego-driven enterprise?), that they fight evil and such, but the concepts are too nebulous for Nora to grasp. Sometimes we play a game where she sits on the couch and I get ready to sit down, with elaborate yawning and "gosh, I'm beat" antics, and then I lean back on top of her and she yells OH NO! CAPTAIN AMERICA IS BEING SQUISHED! And then she struggles out from underneath with accompanying grunts of effort and triumphant shouts at the end. Maybe you missed the issue where Captain America is squashed on the couch by the buttocks of a five-foot-tall Midwestern editor and mother, but I hear it is a valuable collectors' item, particularly in Japan where they probably have a fetish for that very thing. Check eBay. 6. Now I get it! 7. The Marmaduke blog, linked everywhere but here. Until now! I don't really know how to end this entry, so: INCREDIBLE HULK! ---mimi smartypants is trying to make up for length with frequency. back/forward |
