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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2008-09-25 ... 3:09 p.m.

STICK IT IN MY NOSE

My stupid cough is back and I am having another pertussis test tomorrow. Only a fifteen-dollar copay to get a lab tech to stick a cotton swab up my nose and rotate it around. I bet you'd do it for free, right? Well come on over and bring your swabs. And a six-pack.

If it does turn out that I still have the Whoop, I do not want any more bullshit azithromycin. Give me the hard stuff, whatever they have in locked cabinets at the CDC storage facility. I want the stuff the government will hand out after the zombies give us deadly multidrug-resistant zombie STDs. (Why did we have sex with the zombies in the first place? Bad move, that.) I am through messing around with this whooping cough thing. Already the only thing that silences my hacking lungs is the previously-scorned opiate cough syrup, and I have given up on measuring out the dosage so you can often find me swigging straight from the bottle. Me and my trusty vial of laudanum. If Halloween were closer I’d dress up like Coleridge, although my coloring is closer to that of Poe. Seriously, add a mustache, some old-timey clothes, and a hot underage cousin and I could totally be Poe. A less-jowly Poe, with an eyebrow wax.

STICK IT IN HER EAR

Sandra Tsing Loh is a fairly entertaining writer and seems like someone who would be fun in person. I have her newest book on my "to-read" list and usually enjoy her columns wherever they pop up. However, I am reevaluating my opinion after reading this piece of crap about the Obamas and public schools in the New York Times. Oh my goodness, shut UP. I mostly avoid all political editorializing but this made me mad.

First of all, when she says that she does her "research" by "erratically Googling from home," it is probably understating the case. Because anyone who gave it the slightest Google would know that the Obama kids attended the Lab School, most likely for free because of their dad's connection with the university. I laugh in the face of anyone who suggests that Obama should have made it his civic duty to turn down free tuition in favor of a mediocre (at best) Hyde Park public school. No parent would.

My kid attends a public school and we were lucky to find one that meets our expectations. (Although maybe it does not meet hers, as the last entry about "science lab" will show. She really did expect to be dissecting a cow's heart by now.) If we couldn't attend a good public school, and if we could afford private (or had connections to make it free), you better believe we'd be there instead of at some crappy neighborhood school. I will pay all the property taxes in the world, sit on a school council, and vote for "education" candidates, but I will not make my kid suffer for an abstract ideal, no matter how firmly I believe in it. And is this raising-up of the local schools strictly a person-of-color obligation? Because I notice that despite Tsing Loh's being a "rabid public school Democrat," she doesn’t seem to be in such despair about the privately-educated Chelsea Clinton or the Gore sisters.

STICK IT IN YOUR BRAIN

I don't want to constantly be rending my garment for DFW, but this was one of the best things on him I've read so far. I still have trouble believing that he has left the planet.

STICK IT TO TAMPA BAY

Sadly, the Bears did not, but Nora had a good time anyway. Here she is with the full game face. It stayed on all day.

Do you not love that inflatable headset thing? It was the giveaway at the stadium and it still cracks me up. If I were an NFL coach I would put one on during the game and then mime all sorts of "not getting any audio" shtick for the camera. That would probably be my last season, though, as I bet NFL owners do not appreciate physical comedy from their head coaches.

---mimi smartypants roughed the kicker.

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