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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04


2001-07-19 ... 5:27 p.m.

THE BORING AS FUCK HEALTH AND WELLNESS ENTRY, BY mimi smartypants, WHO IS OBVIOUSLY STARTING TO BECOME AN ELDERLY PERSON, JUDGING BY THE AMOUNT OF TIME AND ENERGY SHE SPENDS TALKING ABOUT ILLNESS, AT LEAST IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS, BUT REST ASSURED SHE IS NOT AT ALL LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE.

Thank you.

Yesterday I stayed home sick. Notice I said "stayed home sick," not "called in sick." There's a difference, as we all know. If you call in sick, if you take a Mental Health Day or a Slightly Hungover But Mostly Just Sleepy Day, or a Just Don't Fucking Feel Like It Day, it is nice. It is like being on vacation. Even routine household-y things, like laundry or grocery shopping, take on a special allure because they are being done in the middle of the day, and because it feels like you are choosing to do them. You can watch sleazy talk shows and lunchtime food options are limitless.

That's not how yesterday went. I was sick. I had a very sudden, very severe sore throat, a jackhammer headache, and every part of my body hurt. I walked like an old woman. I had chills. Every time I sat down I would fall asleep. And that's no fun. The day passed, somehow, with me in a fever haze, and not once was I excited or happy about (or indeed even aware of) the fact that I didn't have to go to work. Blah.

It's just not fair to have to use one's sick days for sickness.

I tend to get minor respiratory viruses and things a lot, and some sort of serious bronchial infection once a year or so. But you know what I'm kind of weirdly proud of? I never throw up. I literally have not thrown up in about 15 years. I have traveled to the Third World, drunk tequila until last call, smoked Egyptian cigarettes on a bumpy, smelly bus, and I just don't get sick.

My theory (one of them: oh how many theories I have! if you only knew) is that the world is divided into Pukers and Non-Pukers. My sister-in-law throws up during pretty much every hangover she has. Kat throws up if she eats shellfish or too much dairy. Come to think of it, Kat throws up if you even look at her funny. OK, I exaggerate, but she is firmly in the first category. Now before you get all riled up, please note that I'm not saying the Non-Pukers are BETTER than the Pukers or anything like that. If anything, the Pukers may even have a slight advantage over us Non-Pukers, as they are able to take vomiting in stride, and be all blase about it, whereas for me, after not vomiting for so long, vomiting would be very traumatic and I would probably freak out and cry and eat only bland plain rice for a week out of fear. So no matter what your puking category, be proud.

Of course, karma dictates that the minute I finish typing this I'll be doing the Technicolor Yawn all over the place. My streak can't stay unbroken forever.

---mimi "guts of iron" smartypants

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