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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2003-06-30 ... 12:07 p.m.


I had a lot of very strange, vivid, imagistic dreams this weekend. (1) LT had three penises, and each had a different colored label. The penis I was most interested in had a black label with white printing, but I do not remember what the label said. (2) A flock of birds that flew up out of a hole in the ground. I was wearing a red dress and carrying a sack of groceries and the birds came right up out of the ground like fireworks and I laughed. (3) A group of Russian Orthodox priests with long gray beards seated at a table, salting their bread. (That last one must have been donated to my dream-life by a tag team of Tolstoy and Charles Simic. Thanks, guys!)

My favorite new word: chickenability.

I really love this checklist. I like to pretend I am ordering at some old-fashioned Chinese restaurant. I will take "Intoxicated," with a "Righteous" manner and a background noise of "Bedlam."

What a charming young man.

I am a freak who actually enjoys hearing about what you had for lunch. Today I was all kinds of hungry so I had the vegetarian black bean nachos from across the way, and a bottle of water. My water claimed to be Canadian and had friendly-looking polar bears on the label. Dig this horribly-written bit of copy, about the Canadian water:

Our pure, crystal-clear Canadian spring water makes a long and patient journey through the steep and rocky blue mountain region until it rises to the surface naturally at its ultimate destination in scenic Feversham, Ontario.

Nice misplaced "naturally." And can you take a deep breath before you add any more adjectives? A mountain region is not just steep, but rocky too? A journey that is long and ALSO patient? Wow!

Lee Majors on fire. Not worth that kind of money, if you ask me. However: Lee Majors on fire.

Friday LT and I rode our bikes to Evanston, about five or six miles each way, and had dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Lupita's. He ordered POLLO LOCO, even though I kept warning him, "That chicken's crazy! That chicken is really quite out of its mind! That chicken has a gun!" It was nice to do something a bit out of the ordinary after work, since I had a crazy week with issues going to the printer and rush rush rush and some sort of plans every single night. I was starting to get a bit strange by Friday. I was calling myself the ORIGINAL EDITAH and asking employees to drop by my "crib" for meetings. At one point I even referred to our ophthalmology journal as "Ophthalmolizzo." Actually, this gangsta editor might be a fine hip-hop persona for me. I could wear a large gold ampersand around my neck, get a neck tattoo of a pica stick, have William Safire be my beatbox.

An excursion to American Science and Surplus was made on Saturday. Why is that place not more thoroughly situated in Chicago? It is all eXtreme west side and difficult to get to without a car. Luckily LT drove. My sister is making art with many teeny tiny pieces of things and I wanted craft materials, specifically a big bag of google eyes, which I did not find. I did, however, buy colored chalk for leaving messages outside the homes of my stalking victims friends, and also scored a RHINESTONE SETTER for only four dollars. Can you imagine the glitterslut outfits that are now at our disposal? Do you not just salivate at the thought of affixing rhinestone typographical symbols to the lapels of your jacket? How about the words ELECTROWHAT? or GEE, YOU HAIR SMELLS IRONIC to an old t-shirt? Or maybe rhinestone socks. Introducing Mimi And Her Dazzling Ankles!

Then I took a nap. Then I ate a salad, with a new salad dressing that has no right to be so good, I think it is full of sweet delicious heroin. (It is Annie's Tuscany Italian Dressing, if you want to be a sad addict like me. Balsamic vinegar is the new gateway drug. I would put this stuff on grass clippings or a piece of paper if there was no spinach in the house.) Then I went and drank beer at the always-too-loud Lemmings. (Turn! The! Generic! Rock! Down!) Oh, my fascinating life. More of the same was done on Sunday, without the salad. I ingested various mood-altering substances in various locales (caffeine with friends at Jinx, beer out on the stable and uncrowded back porch with my neighbors, and then other things in my living room with a much smaller group of neighbors). ("Smaller" in this case meaning "fewer"---we didn't select them by height or anything.)

Here is a photo of a delicious espresso milkshake.

Here is a photo of some guy's bald head behind me at the coffeeshop.

Isn't his head awesome? I love his head! It was so nice and round, and it had a really interesting sheen that probably doesn't come through with my crappy camera. He did not know of my love for his head, because it is probably not a good idea to frighten strangers with effusive exclamations of headpraise, so I had to scrunch down and sort of poke the camera up above the booth like a periscope to get this shot.

That is all. For now.

---mimi smartypants fills in the blanks.


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