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the latest waddle:

good morning, wordpress - 10:36 a.m. , 2009-07-03

elaborate murder attempt - 2:56 p.m. , 2009-07-01

building a tractor in the basement - 10:42 a.m. , 2009-06-19

ask no questions tell just a few lies - 3:17 p.m. , 2009-06-09

my long lasting flavor really lasts long - 1:10 p.m. , 2009-06-04

2002-02-20 ... 10:04 a.m.

I keep forgetting to mention that tomorrow I take off for NYC, where I will no doubt, immediately upon stepping out of the cab from LaGuardia, get hooked on smack and end up gyrating disinterestedly around a pole, track marks on my skinny shanks and a thousand-yard stare shining out of my purple-rimmed eyes, sweaty furtive men waving fistfuls of slightly damp singles toward my sequined bikini'd ass.

There I go getting my life mixed up with the TV movie of the week again! Oh me so silly! Mother may I sleep with danger?

(I just tried [I refuse to link them, since they won't carry porn and that's just wrong] and apparently the aforementioned Tori Spelling tour de force is not available for rent. There go my weekend plans.)

But soft! That is not true! I have this short-term memory problem (getting from one sentence to the next can be a problem) and just remembered that my weekend plans involve going to New York. See, it's right up there at the top of the page. I'm going to hang out with my friend, drink a lot of tea, and smell big-city smells other than those available in Chicago. I also plan to look at some art while I'm there. Hey, I'm a cultured girl. When I have a spare moment there's nothing I like better than to get out a batch of art and look at it. If you (yes, you) live in New York keep an eye out for me---I'm the one wearing black and looking preoccupied.

Why do people have to spit? While I waited for the El the guy to my left spit three times: twice on the platform (thank you kind sir! thank you for the sight of your saliva! now my morning is complete!) and once on the tracks. I see people spitting on the street all the time. Why? Barring extreme nausea,* I never have to spit.

*(eXtreme Nausea! Welcome to Jean-Paul Sartre's Hangover! Check out for rad dope stoopid fresh fly 360-degree kickflips from Monsieur Sartre, who had a bit too much to drink last night! His head hurts but he can still do a frontside 180 ollie like nobody's business!)

Anyway. Tomorrow I get on a plane and head to the Right-Hand Coast. I probably won't update while I'm there, so you all can get a much-needed break. In the meantime you can throw yourself a funeral!

---mimi smartypants is smooth like tahini.


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